Only you!

Dear diary - 16.10.2022

Dear Journal 

Journal sounds better than diary, or at least in my head it does so from now on it's going to be "Dear Journal". 

Anyway, when I woke up this morning I felt absolutely exhausted and drained of all energi possible. Not even the thought of my date with Riaz could get me on my toes. Okay maybe a little, but I am still exhausted. 

Pushing myself out of bed though, I managed to take a quick shower, half blow drying my hair, putting it up in a low bun to get some loose curls in it, before I brushed my teeth and put some light makeup on. Only to try and hide my hideous eye bags ofc, not to appear prettier on my date with Riaz no... 

Usually it's quite easy for me to pick what to wear for the day but today all I came up with was nothing which I don't think Riaz would really mind if we were alone haha, but sadly that won't work. Yet... 

In frustration i texted him what to wear for todays adventure, whining and pouting all until he finally texted me back to just wear some simply pants and a warm blouse and to remember a warm jacket, scarf, and gloves to keep my hands warm with a very cute emoji at the end. 

My tired heart felt like melting at his text although given how simple it was. Following his advice I put my favourite pair of black bellbottoms on, a nice warm blue striped sweater, humming to myself as I slowly got ready until there was a knock on the door.

Slightly shy and blushing I opened the door seeing the most handsome man of my life standing in front of me with his hands in his pockets and a scarf around him to keep him warm. With a smile, he stepped forward giving me a cozy hug whispering good morning in my ear with his slightly raspy and deep voice.

"Good morning" I enjoyed the fresh breath of air still on him and the feel of his arms around me before I let go nervously gesturing around, inviting him inside my home so I could get my shoes and jacket on. 

Even though I'm still shy around him and nervous I find myself calm and relaxed in his presence. I'm myself. I don't need to pretend to be someone I am not when he's around. 

"Is my outfit okay?" I asked making a little twirl, Riaz chuckling as he smiled at me warmly from the couch where I told him to sit as I put my shoes on. 

"You look beautiful Elliana" 

"Time skip"

Our time in the car towards wherever we were going was exhilarating. Never in my life have I felt so at ease with another person before. It felt natural to just be with him and talk with him. Our conversation came easy and when we didn't talk the silence was calm and relaxed. 

"Your into girls huh?" Riaz came out of nowhere a huh expression showing on my face as for a moment I was totally confused by his out of the blue question when it finally clicked to me what he meant. 

He saw me with Nyah that night. 

"Yeah but only for her otherwise I'm straight" I hummed looking at him with a lopsided grin a small smile growing on his lips

"Do i have competition against her?" he asked again grabbing my hand to intertwine it with his on my lap making my heart skip a beat out of pure happiness 

"I dont think so no. Mainly because first of with her it's more for fun and second of I want to have my own kids and with her I can't really do that so no I wouldn't say you have competition" I squeezed his hand Riaz looking at me shortly before his eyes turned back to the road. 

"How many kids?" Uhh damn I love this subject. I love talking about my plans for the future in general haha. 

"Well I was always jealous of those of my friends that have like 2 or more siblings and since it's kinda too late for me to have more siblings unless my father pops on out with his many one night stands, I wanted to have that for my kids. I would say 5 kids is what I would like to have if my body can make so many babies that is" I grinned excitedly talking about kids. 

"And then I want to live out on a rundown farm I will renovate with my husband, and have horses and goats and dogs and cats with our little mini us running around in the our big garden. Not that I desperately want that dream, I can settle for less and I will talk with my partner about all of that when it comes to that. He has to agree and want it as well so yeah, what about you?" I asked noticing we were about to be where Riaz wanted to take us. 

"Whatever you want" OMG did he seriously just say that!? aaahhhh my heart is beating out of my chest like damn omg! 

"Do you really mean that?" I asked my voice suddenly hoarse and tight like I was on the verge of crying which I am, but of happy tears and not the sad ones. 

He parked the car before turning towards me, holding both of my hands in his large ones, looking deeply into my eyes as he wiped away the tear I hadn't even realised had fallen. 

"Elliana I like you, a lot. I want to get to know and all your little antics, the funny, the weird, the stupid ones. All of them. I want to be the one who knows every single crook of your body and mind. I want you to be mine as I will be yours. I want my future to have you in it for the rest of my life" by the time he was done talking I couldn't stop the tears from falling. 

I jumped into his arms as good as I could while still being in the car, his arms encircling my waist. How long we stayed like that I don't know, but by the time I pulled back my back hurt... His lips met mine my heart beating crazy as I felt like the luckiest woman in the entire world to have this man sitting in front of me proclaiming he want's me to be his life basically.

Whatever I did in my past life to deserve this it must have been a damn good thing. Jumping out of the car I skipped over to his side, slipping my hand in his as we began walking around the beautiful forest the fall colours being my favourite part of fall. 

I ran around like a little child, throwing fallen leaves on Riaz to then run away screaming in laughter as he tried to catch me. Most times he did catching me around the waist his big arms coming around me as he lifted me into the air circling us around as bubbles of laughter escaped me. And when he didn't catch me it was because I hid so he couldn't see me to jump attack him from behind jumping on his back as I threw my legs around him laughing in his ear. 

We played around like little kids with no worries of anything just living the day out. Honestly it's been the best day of my life since forever. And when we stood under the most beautiful tree in the forest I became Riaz girlfriend with the most sweet knee swooping kiss I have ever gotten. God damn my man is good at kissing, I will give him that.

Looking into his eyes is like looking into the future I always dreamed of. My future suddenly became my present. My past defined me into the person I am today and although the hardships and traumas I have experienced I wouldn't have it any other way cause it led me straight into the arms of the man who looks at me like I am his whole world. 

Fall is proof that change is always beautiful.