It is getting closer. The day we all wait for every year. Christmas. I love Christmas, I look forward to it every year and often start listening to Christmas music months before we actually enter the holidays. And this year I have Riaz with me. I had a dream that one day we were walking, holding hands and then suddenly he disappeared as if he was never really there. It scared me as many other things do. And I didn't tell Riaz about the dream. I know it's not true and just my stupid overthinking trying to send me in a zone of panic and this time I am not letting it do that.
I have had enough already. Stress, anxiety, health issues, it's all there and I have let it control my life for too long. It's time I take back control of what is my life instead of letting the fear hold the reins over me. Therefore I spend the entire day preparing for tomorrow. The party had last minute been moved to our place since my mom and stepdads house had blown a water gasket and damaged the entire kitchen. Which by the sound of my mother only gave them the brilliant excuse they needed to renovate the entire room.
That means I was running around like crazy, going to the store a few times for things I needed and making the entire house smell like Christmas. Riaz helped me telling me to slow down a million times, looking at me all grumpy when I didn't listen to him. I am stressed. I just want everything to be perfect and it is the first time that I am the one who hosts Christmas. Can you see the pressure I am feeling?
"Baby do you know you are the love of my life" That made me stop everything I was doing to turn around and look at Riaz with wide eyes.
"I am?" I asked already on the verge of tears. I mean we have talked about the future together before, but never actually sat down and seriously had the talk about expectations of the future.
"Yes, I knew it from the moment I first laid my eyes on you, I just didn't want to admit it to myself, and seeing and being with you in this last month has given me a lot to think about"
"What have you been thinking about?" I asked a few tears already rolling down my cheeks afraid of where this conversation is heading. Does he not want me anymore, am I too much for him, am I annoying? All these questions filtered in my head like a busy airport.
"I have been thinking" he said coming closer to me with a glint in his eyes until I was backed against the counter, his hands on my waist as he looked down at me with a soft look in his eyes. "That I want forever to be with you and only you" he whispered in my ear his breath against my skin making me shiver.
In that way he convinced me to take a break. A break where we sat on the couch laughing and kissing, Riaz tickling me so hard I fell down the couch. We were laughing so much our stomachs hurt, and our eyes cried tears of joy. Right there everything around us faded away. It was just us two at home living for each other. Three months have passed by so fast, and almost a year ago I met Riaz for the first time.
Looking back I never thought this was a place I can see myself in the future with the love of my life by my side. Fate has a funny way of crashing into your life and creating new routes for you when you least expect it. Times are hard now but they will not always be. Times are challenging now, but no diamond was shaped without the pressure.
I trust the process of time, working on letting things go that need no worrying, taking things one at a time. I lean up against my parter who supports me in my fight, looks into my eyes and tells me that he loves me, touch me with the care of an Angel, and never back down from a challenge. We face them together.
*
A break was much needed I realize. Afterwards I felt fresher, ready to get back to work with a renowned energy while playing around with Riaz. We helped each other get ready for tomorrow, making sure all the presents were under the tree, that the house was clean, and a few dishes were made and prepped for tomorrow.
I look forward to tomorrow. Even if I was exhausted by the time Riaz and I had done everything on my long list of things to do, I would do it all over again. It matters to me to be prepared in good time so you don't stand there on the day like "uhh where is it" or "Fuck I don't have the time" or "Crap I forgot" and I can go on. I am exhausted but happy. Especially happy, shaking in laughter to see Riaz next to me on the couch half asleep, his one leg on the ground, arm over his head, the other half way towards me, as he is lightly snoring. I don't think I have ever seen him like that haha.
And of course I couldn't forget. I pulled out my phone trying to muffle my laughs as I clicked a few dozen pictures of the tired Riaz. Poor old man I thought to myself haha. When I couldn't hold it in anymore I burst out laughing my dear tired boyfriend waking up with the 5 WH-questions stumbling out of his mouth. I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants, Ri looking at me with his cute meenie eyes he get every time I prank him and catch him off guard.
If I had known it would led to Riaz throwing me on our bed naked as the day I was born I would have teased him way sooner. He keeps my heart beating like a drum, his fingers, lips, and tongue teasing my sensitive skin all over avoiding the places I crave him the most. It is payback time. A payback time I have nothing against "enduring". Riaz makes my skin tingle unlike anything else, he makes me wet like a bottomless well, he makes me feel so damn good I never want the feeling to stop.
Love is a choice you make from moment to moment, and there will never be a moment again where I will not chose to love Riaz. 3 months is nothing compared to a life, but 12 weeks compared to a whole life has already told me that I wanna live that life with the man on top of me right now making love to me, his eyes looking into mine, love burning in the hues of my favourite eyes in this whole entire world.
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Wohoo a chapter! I haven't written one in so long that I honestly have to reread some of the chapters to remember what I have written so far haha. Anyway I hope I will continue having some inspiration for the future chapters, love and all to everyone reading my book and your families, and the whole entire world basically haha.
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Only you!
RomanceOnly you! is a finished draft about a young girl searching for the one to start a family with. It's about a young girl living her life independently as she goes to school, and works in her free time juggling friends, family, school, and work. Barely...
