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Dear Journal - 05.12.2022

Dear Journal 

I am getting released today. The fucking doctors and nurses trapped me in my hospital room for 3 fucking days because they didn't want to let me go home even though I told them I was feeling fine.

Riaz didn't agree with me ending in us having a big fight about it, so I haven't really seen him since yesterday. He still texted me goodnight and good morning to which my heart skipped a bit knowing this was just a minor bump in the road and that he still care for me even though we disagrees on me being here at the hospital. 

He will be picking me up today around noon making me kinda nervous since we left on bad terms yesterday. It made me fiddle with the necklace he gave not long after we got together, a long silver chain with the letter R on it resembling his name, him getting the same on just with the leather E instead. 

Over the course of the 3 or 4 days as it is since I came in here Friday and it is Monday today, both my parents and my stepfather have visited me as well as my sister and mother in law wishing me to get better and give me lots of hugs and small gifts trying to make me feel better. 

They know why I'm here and every time they tried talking about it I just changed the topic really not wanting to talk about it with them right now. They also all met my boyfriend given he came rushing in as soon as he heard since my sister as the only one who met him called him to tell him an ambulance had picked me up at school.

They knew I had a boyfriend but I never came around to showing them any pictures of him and since I don't talk of him much rather wanting to keep him to myself they didn't really know much of him making them extremely surprised when he came running into my hospital room where they had all gathered while I slept.

I heard my parents were shocked but handled it well and didn't have any problems with him so far, only both of my real parents thinking he was a little old while my stepfather secretly came up to give me a high five yesterday for finding a man in my life. 

My stepdad and I are like yin and yang. We are closer to each other than I am with my real dad, but please don't tell my dad that haha. He came into my mother's life at the perfect time, right when I needed a man like him in my life and since then he has guided me so much and been there to wipe my tears when I broke down, which doesn't happen often btw. 

I was looking out the window from my hospital room watching the pretty colours in the sky when it knocked on the door. Slowly I turned around with a small smile, seeing Ri standing leaning up against the door as he watched me with a small smile.

I got down from the bed, making sure I had everything as I step by step came closer to Riaz, stopping in front of him looking up at him feeling very tiny at the moment. I caved in first whispering "Sorry" for the thousand time before reaching up to put my arms around him devastated when I for a minute thought he wouldn't hug me back when his arms finally did.

He pulled me flush against him his strong arms engulfing me tight enough to know he would never let me go. When his hands moved down my back towards my legs I knew what he wanted making me jump as I wrapped my legs around him. 

I feel so content here, in his arms as his scent surrounds me calming me down at the same time making me tired. I managed to whisper an "I love you" before I succumbed to the darkness falling into an abyss of endless dreams I wouldn't remember anyway when I wake up again. 

The doctor that had been attending me at the hospital decided to put me on sick leave no matter how much I protested that I didn't really need it. That means no school, no work, no nothing for an indefinite amount of time. I have to drop out of college, I can literally do nothing else as if I have to be honest don't think I will come back to school anytime soon.