A little too tired of just hanging on

Chapter 15

It seemed that Tony couldn't stop talking. A lot had happened in almost two years. Once he had started telling the story, it was like he couldn't stop anymore. He needed that out of his system. The genius told them everything, even more than he had really wanted at first. Tony carried on with his explanations, knowing full on well that the worst revelation was to come. Rhodey and Vision already seemed not to be able to make eye contact with him anymore. Their friendship was alright though, as good as it could be at the moment.

They looked horrified, all of them. He had used the virus on himself. Two days out on the floor wasn't exactly looking too good. Friday had the footage of course but Tony didn't want them to see that. He had had to watch it just to know what exactly had happened to him while he was out. The genius almost hoped he hadn't. Not everything needed to be seen.

The whole Extremis episode was hard on Harley and his family. They had seen first hand what it could do to people. Their little town still had the scars due to the people exploding. Tony had tuned the virus to his particular needs and would not go boom like the others. Harley's worry was all over his face but he was a mechanic as well. He understood how their hands were the most important part of them if not for their brains. At least Tony hoped it was the case.

He wasn't done yet but he was already emotionally drained. This whole thing was more tiring than fighting Thanos and using the infinity stones. They all needed a break. Some maybe more than others. Half of them were trying to avoid looking at his hands when the other half couldn't look anywhere else. The virus injection was recent, he had been alone. They were feeling guilty. It wasn't their fault, not really. Steve was the one who had left him in Siberia without a way to get back home.

Tony couldn't help thinking that he had lost part of his humanity. They were definitely looking at him in a different way. Not disgusted or afraid. They looked like they were sad he had to go to such an extent. He now understood Bruce a lot more. His other half was regarded as a monster. The Hulk wasn't one though, he was just different. And so was Tony.

There was an awkward silence in the room now. They didn't know how to carry on after that. The genius asked around who wanted a hot drink or maybe an ice cream. Anything to leave the room for a while. He didn't want to see them change their mind about him. The walls were closing down on him. It wasn't the time to have a panic attack. Living on the moon made it impossible to just go out to take a breath of fresh air. Friday could beam him down anywhere on Earth. He just needed to ask but he would have to settle with going to the kitchen. Those people were here for him. He had to remind himself of that. Some relationships were worth fighting for.

Rhodey had followed in. Of course he did. Tony had been rushing out the living room, not paying too much attention to the people there. He couldn't say he was really surprised. They were standing there, next to the counter, awkward. Tony couldn't fathom what to say now, what Rhodey was expecting of him. Once again he just smiled. The old Tony would have talked about almost anything just to break the silence. Not anymore.

The Colonel apologised once more. Although it was good to hear, it started to be too much to bear. Sincerity wasn't the problem. Tony just wanted time to think about it all, in his own time. Apologies would not change the past but sometimes it took time to get to the point of acceptance, to be able to move past it and start anew. Time healed everything apparently.

Tony had thought a lot about everything that had happened. Being alone, he had had nothing better to do but that. Rhodey was his oldest friend, since Tony had been fourteen. If the genius had to be honest with himself, he would most probably have pushed the colonel away after the Civil War. He had done so to the rare ones who had stood next to him, too afraid maybe to lose them completely. Matter of factly, Tony told him so. Rhodey hadn't been his only problem, far from that. The genius couldn't scream and shout at everybody who had done him wrong. Of course, it might make him feel better at first. In the long run, it wouldn't solve anything. There was some distance between them now. That gap would need time to close and Tony had no idea how to accomplish that.