Excited

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by UnoriginalHerb

by UnoriginalHerb

I feel it in my chest,
My heart beats hard,
My thoughts start to blur,
My body can't stay still.

The grin is uncontrollable,
I can barely think.
I try to speak but the words
Don't come together.

I'm finally in front
Of this incredible thing.
So hopeful and joyous.
So blindly desperate.

But it isn't for me.

Time and time again
I work myself up.
My hands will shake.
My breath quicken.

Just for someone else to take it.

The pain crushes me almost instantly,
Like a huge wave slamming me down.
Every time it's the same.
No matter how hard I try to control it.

Someone else always has my thing.

I can't have it.
No matter how much I try.
How much I put in.
I just have to watch in envy.

Over. And over. And over.

I never want to feel excited again.

14/09/2022