I can't do this alone anymore

What did i do.

Hey y'all! 2nd chapter comin ur way!
This chapter does follow some really dark themes, it was really hard to write so pay attention to the warnings! Non graphic summary will be at the end<3

Content warning
Physical abuse
Depictions of SA
non con SA
Scars and bruises

Please read only if you are okay to❤️

Chapter 2

(Neil POV)

It was the final week.
Days felt eternal but I was so close to being back to my paradise.

Riko diddnt let me enjoy it though. Not for a second.

The final week was the worst.
**********************
My room was empty just me in the bed staring out the window till he came in.
I hadn't seen Jean since our night practice. So I assumed it was him. 
"Nathaniel". The words cut into my skin.
It was Riko.
The door creaked open revealing his sinister expression.
"We're not done yet". His voice echoed.
My empty eyes peered up to meet the fierce and soulless eyes of Riko.
He locked the door behind him which took me aback.
Everyone at the ravens knew not to mess with Riko—so why would he even need to lock the door.

He stepped closer and closer. Reaching for my hands and guiding them to the headboard.
The cold metal cuffs gripped my wrists so tight it felt like my hands diddnt exist anymore.
His body pressed into mine.
My stomach dropped into a pit.
I tugged so hard at the cuffs, my wrists were ripping apart.
"Get off of me you sick fuck"! I screamed.
He strattled my hips putting all of his weight down on me.
I twisted and turned but the cuffs would give up.
"Fuck you, your daddy issues isn't a valid excuse for you being a psychopath." I spat at his face.

He touched the spit which landed on his cheek. Twisting the spit in his fingers he shoved them down my throat.
I gagged in response as he dug deep.
When he took his fingers out he immediately placed his hand over my mouth muffling my screams.
"Shhhh...little fox". His smile was psychotic.
Tears forcefully rolled down my cheeks in response.
His hand glided down my chest and stomach until he lifted up to fiddle with his belt.
It wasnt till I heard his belt fell to the floor, then I knew what he was doing.
I never cried when he tortured me
when he beat me
when he cut me.
But the tears flowed.
I felt him enter me. The pain was explosive and never stopped. He was ruthless.
I couldn't breathe.
I muffled through his hand hyperventilating
There was nothing I could do.
I thrashed and thrashed screaming and crying. Until I was too tired to move.
Too tired to scream.
Too tired to cry.
I layed there numb against his aggressive actions.
Only moving with each aggressive push deeper into the mattress.
My mind left.
He did it.
He broke me.

I thought of Palmetto. I thought of Andrew. Anything to keep me away from what was happening.
From my daze I only heard one remark.
"Nathaniel. I am your king". His sinister smile left me nauseous.
He lifted his hand from my motionless body.
"Say it"! He screamed.
He put his hand around my throat.
Air left my lungs with one tight squeeze.
"Say it"! He screamed again squeezing tighter.
Through my shallow breath I whispered.
"you are my king". Shame overwhelmed my body.
"Louder Nathaniel I can't hear you". He grunted.
"You are my KING". I screamed in anguish.
A menacing grin crept across his face. He got up unlocked the door and left me to lay in my shame and pain.
I zoned out for a bit gazing out the window with nothing but empty thoughts.
I flinched when the door opened again.
It wasn't Jean. It wasn't Riko.
It was 4 Ravens. I'm assuming...they were wearing masks but they held the posture and presence in which the ravens carried.
Before they even got close enough to hear me. I bursted out into hysterical laughter.
I couldn't stop.
It wasn't funny.
I watched them shove a camera in my face and they did exactly what I expected them to.

———————

The next time I opened my eyes I was in an airport.

I couldn't remember how I got here. I diddnt know where I was. It was only when I looked at the sign down the hallway.
I was back in North Carolina.
I dug my phone out of my duffel and called the first name that was in my emergency contact.
Andrew.
I came back two weeks later than I should have so that meant Andrew was back from East haven.
I pressed the call button.
Please pick up.
He answered on the fourth ring.
"Where the fuck are you". His voice was desperate yet cold.
"Hey Andrew". My voice sounded different. I felt like i haven't talked in months. Last time I used my voice it was to scream.
"I'm not gonna ask again". He said.
I paused for a second looking around.
"Airport". My words were empty but he understood.
"Stay there and don't fucking move." He hung up.
I slumped to the floor closing my eyes and pulling my knees to my chest.
Next time I opened them they met with his.
Dark brown eyes worried and furious at the same time.
"Neil get up". His voice carried.
There was no way I could possibly move without vomiting.
"I can't". I whispered.
He let out a sigh and reached out to me.
I instinctively flinched in response. How could I flinch. This was Andrew.
"Yes or no". He said.
"Yes".
He wrapped my arm over his shoulder and ripped me up from the ground.
He was silent guiding me to his car.
Walking a foot in front of me but desperately holding my hand like I'd disappear if he diddnt.
"Get in". He opened the passenger door and I climbed up in response.
I hissed in pain as my knees hand to bend in order to climb in.
The ride back was silent as I closed my eyes.
When I opened them again I wasn't in the car.
I was in a dorm room.
Andrews room.
He was staring at me in a chair a couple feet from the bed.
"Neil...I need answers now, where were you". His voice was listless.
All I could muster up was "Riko". I'd hope he understood I diddnt have the energy to say anymore.
"I'm gonna fucking kill him". He stood up getting closer.
Sitting beside me. He didn't need answers he needed reassurance that I couldn't give him.
So I stayed silent.
His eyes were gliding across my body staring at the bruises left from the ravens.
But his eyes focused on my neck.
My neck was still throbbing.
"Did he-". He diddnt finish that sentence.
I couldn't bear it anymore I mistered everything in me to stand up and walk to the bathroom.
I wasn't Neil anymore.
My eyes were bright blue staring daggers back at me my hair was lighter and signified the face of my father.
Glancing down my neck had fingerprints burned into it. Along with some bruises in the shape of hickeys
Then the memories came flooding back.
Rikos hands wrapped around my neck pressing me deeper into the matress. Gasping for air and an escape.
His body.
Remantsnts of him in the form of bruises and inside me.
Then the others taking their turns. Non stop every night for that last week.
The nausea came quick.
I wretched into the toilet gasping for breath.
"Andrew"! I screamed.
He got up in a flash and ran to me.
"Help me"! I was screaming now but I couldn't hear myself.
Over and over again screaming for help. I remember this exact moment except this time Andrew was next to me.
Fear and helplessness  in his eyes. But he was here.
"Neil what do you need. I'm here". He exclaimed.
Tears were flowing now and I glanced into his deep dark eyes.
"I need you". I reached for him.
"Yes or no". He said.
"Yes for fucks sake". I cried.

He sat next to me pulling me into his chest.
His touch was like a diffribulator bringing me back to life.
I could finally breathe again.
I could finally think again.
I closed my eyes and begged this wasn't a dream.
That I'd wake up right here in his arms. And not that fucked up building with that god forsaken room.
But I took that chance.

After chapter summary
Neil has an extremely hard time in his last week at the nest.
He wakes up in the airport calling Andrew.
Andrew arrived and demands answers.
Neil responds but has a panic attack remembering his trauma.