Majoring in Murder

Chapter 10

I unlocked the door and tiptoed into a dark, quiet house. My parents must have already settled into their room after spending the day tending to Emily. I tried to be as quiet as possible so as not to disturb my mom, who I'm sure was lying in bed beside my dad reading a book as she so often did.

I noticed the flickering blue-white glow in the living room as I passed through the kitchen. I looked in and found Lisa lying on the couch with the remote. She looked up, saw me, and whispered, "I didn't think you were coming home this weekend."

"I didn't think I would either, but then I figured I had to get outta there. Mom and Dad in bed?"

Lisa nodded. "They went up a little while ago."

"Okay," I said. "I'm going to bed."

Lisa said good night and I wished her the same, and said, "Don't stay up too late," and suddenly had the feeling that I was becoming my dad, so I added, "Mom'll kill you." I crept up the stairs to my room and shut the door quietly, glad that she hadn't noticed my red eyes. I turned on the small lamp on my desk and tried relaxing on my bed after taking two large pulls from the liquor bottle. It burned my throat and left a warm trail down to my stomach. I felt its hot tendrils unfurl from my gut as it coursed through my system.

As I lay there in the dim silence, my mind was awhirl with thoughts of my actions. I felt dirty with the secret bottled up inside me. I was no longer naïve and innocent, but tainted. My sinful deed made me feel unclean and greasy.

When I closed my eyes, I could still imagine the feel and texture of everything around me as I lay on that strange hill watching a man I didn't know through a riflescope. I could feel the cool moist dirt beneath my elbows. If I concentrated hard enough, I could still hear that dog barking in the distance and the nighttime strollers whispering between themselves as they passed below my shadowy perch on the crest of the hill.

I opened my eyes, looking up at the ceiling with my hands interlaced beneath my pillow. My vision wavered and I wanted more of the rum. This time, when I took two more large gulps from the bottle, the alcohol didn't burn as bad as it had the first time. I reclined on my bed staring at the spinning fan blades.

I heard nothing but the symphony of crickets outside playing their song for the moon. That stillness was peaceful. It dawned on me that Hector would never be able to experience anything like this and that thought cut through my buzz like a knife. I concentrated on the peacefulness and pushed away thoughts of my misdeed. The alcohol helped my mind transition. I felt as though I had passed into a different world, a tranquil world where crime dared not enter. I was home. Of course, that was ridiculous. Rome had its share of crime, it just seemed as though I had outrun it in my car. I made sure not to leave any trace of evidence behind, but in reality, I did leave something behind. An imperceptible part of myself, shards of my shattered innocence.

* * *

When I awoke bleary-eyed, I saw out the window that it was still dark. My desk lamp was on. Despite the liquor in my system, I had had a nightmare. I was at a carnival and a barker—actually, he looked more like a singer in a barbershop quartet with the red-and-white striped shirt, red vest, black mustache, and rigid wide-brimmed white hat—was calling to people, "Hurry, hurry, hurry. Step right up and test your skills!" I was standing across from the man, a steady stream of passersby moving between us. Eventually, his eyes fixed upon me. "Hey, you with the face!" he called. "Come 'ere and show me whatcha got!"

Hesitantly, I snaked my way through the throng of attendees and approached his dark booth. As I got nearer, I noticed two things: One, there were small rifles resting on the warped wooden counter and I could see round red-and-white-circled targets hanging against the far wall. Two, the announcer was no longer a black-mustached stranger, but Daniel. No one else was at the booth, yet I kept hearing the crack of a gun and the DING of a bell as someone hit the target.