Insomnia • Akutagawa x Reader x Atsushi

17

"You should have stayed away. It'll never get better." Akutagawa murmurs, breathing ragged and face sadder than you'd ever seen it.

For a moment you're both kids again, lost and alone and clinging to each other because your lives depended on it, staring at each other in awe instead of in utter torment.

You stare at him, it's all you can really do, until you instinctively reach one of your hands to his forehead while the other drops to your side.

He's burning up.

You feel an overwhelming guilt, and a sudden need to take care of him. You think of his sister, her worry from years ago and her fear of losing her brother; you think of how you promised it would get better, that you would do anything in your power to make sure Akutagawa got to live in dreams.

You think of everything you didn't do, and then an image of Atsushi's kind face and gentle smile plays from your memories and you feel like sinking down into the ground and screaming over how unfair life has been. You curse yourself for being unable to stay out of old business, but when you look back into Akutagawa's eyes in front of you, you also can't think of being anywhere else.

No matter how you felt about it, you were meant to end next to him.

That would give your life meaning, because otherwise you had none. Was that not why you had never been allowed to live in peace?

"I was never meant to stay away, Ryu." you whisper, and before he can realize what you're doing and push you away, you activate your ability once again. "I'm going to help you, or I'll let it kill me."

Akutagawa's eyes widen, and he tries to say something to you, something urgent. You can see it in the rare flash of fear that passes through his eyes, the way he pushes past his physical pain to pull you off him, to back away, but a loud crash drowns out his words and you never hear what they are.

Another crash, like the sound of heavy wood on stone, explodes around you, and you cover your ears with your hands, flinching at how the noise pierces your ears like sharp needles. You feel your stomach twisting in nausea, and when you turn your head to identify the cause of such commotion, you find nothing but wind and dust in the room besides the two of you. The world around you is still, but your ears ring with overwhelming noise that comes in waves.

The sound of screams, the sound of gunshots and explosions, crying and wailing.

It hurts you, makes you feel like your mind wants to rip itself apart...

And then you see the shadows being conjured up in the periphery of your visions.

You watch with paralyzing fear. The shadows are of terrifying monsters, shaped like beings that shouldn't exist in this world. Demons.

One of them starts to walk over in your direction, much more humanoid than the rest. The demon walks through Akutagawa and Akutagawa disappears like some mirage. The room grows darker as the demon reaches you, and your limbs grow heavier as you try to move away. You're stuck, unable to react, struck with horror and revere, emotions so powerful and confusing that you feel dizzy trying to comprehend them. Once it's situated itself in front of you, you stare into the void that is it's face, petrified, until you see the shadow begin to take form.

The face is one you weren't allowed to forget.

Dazai.

His face shifts from pure shadows to the taunting face of a broken man playing with his toy. His hair moves as if being blown by unnatural gentle winds, and his body shifts from blending in with the darkness closing in to a solid figure.

The sounds have become eerie high-pitch echoes, the explosions now sounding like shattering glass. When you turn away from the shadow-Dazai, trying to catch the other demons, to understand, you realize they've all stopped moving and are turned towards you, watching in a circle.

The more you look at them, the more human the monsters look, like smug spectators waiting, licking their lips in hunger.

Why?

You feel something cold against your temple, and when you turn back, you realize shadow-Dazai was holding a gun pointed directly against you.

This is an execution.

The demon pulls the trigger.

You hear the gunshot, and that's how you know you aren't dead.

The world around you goes silent, a flash of red blinding you. When it subsides, you find another humanoid figure between you and shadow-Dazai — though it's more demonic. This one has eyes glowing yellow with its black body glowing crimson, a textured wrap around its body like armour. That's when you recognize Rashomon's form. Akutagawa's ability manifested.

Then a hand grabs you from behind, and you are pulled to the ground, the scenery around you shattering. You gasp, a shot of pain suddenly going through your whole body as you collide with floor, nerves on fire. Your head begins to pound in searing pain, your lungs burning, until you force yourself up and find yourself in a pool of blood and body parts.

The monstrous shadows are now piles of dismembered figures

You scream.

Then you're drowning, choking, until hands grab your face and air is breathed into you, and you're back in the dark. The pool of blood is dried up and cracked up on the floor, Rashomon and shadow-Dazai nowhere to be found.

You're breathing heavily now, struggling to stand, to get rid of the pain that tries to bind you to your spot.

"Akutagawa?" You call out, scared. Your voice causes a figure to appear in the centre of the room, sitting on the floor with legs hugged to its chest.

Akutagawa.

You reach for him, calling out his name again, but when he turns to you you see his hands covered in blood, his eyes harbouring a wild look.  He looks agitated, on edge. Dangerous. A leash of chains is tied around his neck and attached to a wall. He looks miserable.

"He deserves to be treated as he is, a dog. He's a vicious killer." A voice suddenly whispers at your side, and when you turn you see Dazai's face fully manifested speaking to you but eyes locked on Akutagawa.

"No..." you breathe, but not before you feel something stabbed through your back being slowly twisted just shy off your spine. You let out a choked cry, hand reaching back to feel what has just happened.

"Killing you now is a mercy. He'll do worse to you. He hates you." Dazai whispers again, twisting the knife further.

"Stop-"

Then you wake up.

You're on the floor of your flat, laying on something soft that you recognize a few moments later as Akutagawa's coat.

Akutagawa.

In a panic you turn your head, body shaking and head seemingly splitting in two, realities confused, and then you see him.

Akutagawa lays peacefully on the floor, sleeping.

You start crying, too afraid to wake him, and too disoriented to wonder what had just happened. All you know is that it had all been too real.

You look at him, tears blurring your vision as your cover your mouth in order to stay silent.

You want to hold him.

You want to understand.

You want the pain to stop.

You need the pain to continue.

You want sweet, forbearing Atsushi.

You need Ryuunosuke.