Insomnia • Akutagawa x Reader x Atsushi

6

"Let go of me!"

A tsunami of anxiety floods you as you feel Dazai's hand reach to your shoulders, meaning to help steady you but being met with your hand pushing him away and a yell coming out of you instead. You feel fear looking at him, the ring in your ears from the play of Akutagawa's nightmare memories overwhelming you, all of you telling you to get away from Dazai. As it subsides, gasping for air and shaking as you bring down your other hand from your ears, you feel your whole body calm down as you feel a gentler touch at your shoulders, Atsushi's gaze glazed with concern as you come back to the reality in front of you, eyes locking in with his.

"What happened?"

That's a good question.

But not for me.

Glancing at Dazai for a brief second before returning your eyes back on Atsushi, you realize that above worry, a dark suspicion swirls in his brown eyes as he watches you carefully, shaded by the shadows of his fluffy hair.

I hadn't noticed it before, but when he touched my hand, everything felt quiet. Then, as if hit by some whiplash...my ability came back stronger on me.

Why?

Did he do something?

Does he feel it too?

No...

He can't know.

But I do now.

I shouldn't have been so afraid years ago...maybe then this man wouldn't have been allowed to make Ryunosuke suffer as much as I have seen.

I could have done something.

"[l/n]?"

Attention back on Atsushi, you weakly smile to him and shake your head gently, tilting it slightly as your cheeks turn slightly pink and you let out a light nervous laughter.

"I'm fine. Must have been a side affect of the medication."

Dazai...who are you?

"Atsushi, perhaps you should take [l/n] to a table so she can eat now. She should get her rest after Yosano's treatments." Kunikida interrupts clearing his throat, glancing between the three of you with a raised brow, pushing up his glasses and eyeing Dazai as the dark haired man doesn't drop his gaze off you, even as Atsushi leads you to the counter to order some hot coffee and light food for you. Of course, once you've turned away you don't notice all the stares, trying to push away the slip.

"Are you really ok? You look really worried...you've had the same look in your eyes since I met you the other day."

You look at Atsushi with a blank expression, trying to sort out all your thoughts while you both wait for the food, biting your lip lightly as you break through the depths of your mind circling with pain.

"I..."

Everything in you tells you to lie, to tell him that you're fine, that all your worries are related to work and you're just a person like any other; stressed about your rent and what you'll be eating tonight. Except you aren't, you never were and never will be as much as you wish.