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03. Reminiscing

Linking the video above for a few of you that asked for the song❤️‍🩹 If you want to have your ears blessed do listen to it while reading. It's one of the best covers I've heard, and inspired me to write it in this chapter!

Song: Dust in the Wind - Kansas |
covered by Girl Named Tom

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Elle

Do you sometimes wish that everything could just go back to the way it was? Yeah?

Well, me too.
But unfortunately, life doesn't work like that.

There's no reset button, that lets you go back to change it all up. There is no way to change the past. All that you are left with is the fact that you can reminisce about how good everything used to be; wishing things were different. But they're not.

For me, the only thing that still keeps me going is the fact that I can alter my future.

Yes, there's no way to change the past. But the future is still unsure. It's like an empty page waiting to be written on. A book waiting to be filled with right and wrong decisions.

The only problem is, you never know if something was the right decision or not. The only way of knowing, is when it already happened. And then you find yourself again, wishing for a reset button. It's like you're spinning in circles, asking yourself when it will stop. But it doesn't.

It's a never-ending process. A book filled with stories that continue to be written. Sadly, once the words are printed onto the paper, there's no way to rewrite an already-finished page.

All you can do is start a new one.
Each new day, a chance to turn things around and change up your future.

And in the end, all we can hope for is to get wiser as time passes, so we won't make the same mistake twice; all we can hope for is for a story to not repeat itself.

All I can hope for is for my story to not repeat itself.

But we all know how that goes.

While Ben and I sort of talked about a few things, over the last few days and I did sort of move back into the flat with him, I am still mad. Mostly because we kept having the same fight. And I keep hearing the same words over and over again, making me think that everything is already repeating itself; that my story is repeating itself and truly nothing changed.

"Get over yourself you're not going to get famous overnight, just because you start writing at some stupid studio!"

"You're 22, it's time to grow up and learn something real!"

"You'll never be good enough."

True to say, I'm at a point where I just couldn't hear it anymore. I can't seem to understand his problem. Just because he was a stupid lawyer with some stupid rich parents. Well, guess what not all of us had the chance of growing up like that. No. Some of us didn't exactly luck out in the family department, and instead had to deal with a bunch of crap while growing up. Some of us don't get everything paid for.

I mean it's not like I'm ungrateful. No. I am extremely grateful for being able to live here for free. But I just can't hear it anymore. It wasn't always like this though. Up until we moved in, we got along so well. Up until we moved in, he was treating me the best I've ever been treated and he supported me. And I love him, I really do. But I was not going to give up, just yet. Not until July.

And maybe tonight I could prove to him, that what I was doing was not a hopeless case just yet. I mean we haven't had a gig like this in a little while and chances are, that if the bar likes us, they might book us again. Us consisting of Finneas, Drew and me. We played together in that constellation ever since I turned 14 years old.