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07. Reckless Driving

CW: Brief mentions of domestic violence

Song: reckless driving - Lizzy McAlpine

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Elle

As the days were passing, they all seemed to blur together. I spent them working so that I could afford to put some food on the table. As long as my main income doesn't stem from making music, I would have to accept that I had to work somewhere else to be able to pay the bills. Apart from that, it was quite a good distraction as well.

The week went by fast, with Thursday coming around quicker than I expected. Ben and I hadn't talked one single word since the incident. We didn't even sleep in the same room. Most nights he came home drunk, way too late, and slept on the couch instead of joining me in our bed.

And the worst part? I wasn't particularly sad about it. In fact, I was glad.

Although I still didn't understand the sudden difference in his behaviour, something was going on with him and I just couldn't seem to figure out what it was. He never used to spend his nights getting wasted. Hell, he would've never touched me when we first met. I just couldn't understand it. I missed him, and I was worried about him.

I find myself sitting at home, staring at the same two verses that I stared at the last few evenings, as I tried to distract my mind. I wanted to get this song out, but how could I express my feelings if it was still such a mess in my head?

My phone buzzes and I look at the message I had gotten, the weight dropping off my shoulder as I see Sar's message, telling me that I could use the studio because they would not be practising today. That was exactly the answer I hoped for.

It was still a bit weird to suddenly write in a studio, especially as a no-name artist. But since Finneas met Johnny and he produced a song for him, we were always welcome there. Even more now that Sarah plays in Harry's band. Good for us, that it was a small studio and not one of these big "Hollywood only" Studios, which we could've never managed to get ourselves into.

I know I needed to write more songs if I'd ever want to make it as an artist, but I didn't want anyone else there. Unless...

I pull up Finneas's name in my contacts thinking back to what he told me the other day. I am still kind of mad at him for going behind my back, but I guess there was no right way at doing it. He knew I would've never done it by myself.

So, after Johnny and I finished my first song "July" in the studio, he sent it over to Finn, who went over it again, him being him and having quite the talent when it comes to producing, as well as knowing what kind of style I like. This one was simple since it would be an acoustic version, and I liked to keep it that way. After he was done with the last few things, he uploaded it on Sound Cloud.

A few days ago, he called me, after sending me the link to the platform. I completely freaked out when I saw how well-received it was, not knowing how to handle it. I never thought that one of my stupid little songs could blow up like that and honestly, I had no idea how it happened.

But for now, this means that I had to get a lot of songs done, as quickly as possible. I also needed to try and get in contact with a label, or someone who knew how I could properly get a foot in this industry, so I could release my song officially as well as a possible album.

Shit was getting real, and I had no idea where to even start. This was my dream for so long, but now that I'm here trying to make a name for myself, everything so new, I admit that I am getting a bit scared.