A couple years later.
Zayn
Nobody tells you the intensity of losing your first real love. The sleepless nights and bottomless pit of emptiness in your heart. It's heavy, yet so empty, hollow. And all in the same passing... Nobody tells you how easily our minds and hearts learn to move on. How adaptability is part of our nature. Who knew, no matter how much you to want to hold on to the pain, the process of healing is inevitable. The world keeps spinning, and one day, there are no more tears left to cry. The longing becomes a distant feeling in the background, so constant it simply becomes a soundtrack to life. Always present but no longer paralyzing.
"Zee!" Gigi summoned me from downstairs
"In the studio, be down in a second." I got up from my desk and made my way downstairs.
"Hey babe, what are you doing here? Thought I was going to yours?" I asked as I met Gigi in the kitchen. "Well, she had a meltdown, and I thought why not bless you with a couple of extra hours with her." She said with a sigh that only I knew meant she needed a break.
"Ah, I see. Well then, where is the lovely lady of the hour?" I asked.
"She is napping, Daisy took her when I arrived-" she paused to take a drink of her water "- listen, it's been a long day. She's teething. Therefore, she's grumpy. I really need a nap. I'll come back for her tomorrow." She finished her water and began to walk toward the front door.
"I got it babe, enjoy your nap. See you." I waved as Gigi disappeared into her car.
As I walked back into my house I decided to go check on my babygirl. I made my way to her bedroom and slowly pushed the door open. There she was peacefully sleeping in her crib. She looks so much like her mom and at the same time not. I guess you could say she was the reason my heart had a reason to mend itself. The purest form of love and I have Gigi to thank for that. Gigi and I we are no longer together. We split not long after we found out she was pregnant. It was mutual and regardless of our situation we remained close and she let me experience the pregnancy alongside her. It's been difficult navigating co-parenting but we finally have some kind of established balance. To the outer world we are still together and in a way we are, because we will always be tied together by this little bundle on joy, regardless we don't care to correct anyone anymore. It is what it is. Life has a funny way of sorting itself out.
I decide to finish up on the studio while Kai finishes her nap. As I approach my studio, I hear my phone starting to ring.
"Hello"
"Zaynie boy!! I miss you mate."
"Hey Nialler, miss you too! When am I going to see you?"
"That, pretty boy is exactly why I am calling. I am throwing a party to celebrate Louis' Album release. Please agree you'll come! Now that you too are on speaking terms, this is the perfect time to let us see you!"
"Wow, yeah I saw that. I texted him a couple days ago wishing him all the best, but I am not sure about a party... you know how I feel about loud crowds. Also don't you think it's a bit too soon?"
" No! I think it's perfect, and this is a crowd you can trust. No expectations, just be yourself. Its just us and some close friends! Heck I think Gigi might be here since Eleanor invited her along with Kendall."
"Okay, okay. Ill think about it. Send me the details and I'll see what I can do."
"Yes!! Im so excited to see you. It's been so long mate."
"I know... hey, Niall...is...is he?"
"Yes. He will be there. Is that okay? I thought you too were are sorted? I mentioned I would be inviting you
..he seemed fine with it."
"Okay. Yeah no... we're good... it's all good."
"Alright, okay. Hey Zee, I'm really happy. It feels like we're all finally reconnecting... ill text ya."
"Me too, me too. Talk later."
As the line disconnects, my stomach can't help but to churn at the thought of seeing him again. It's not like we haven't seen each other in passing a couple of times after I left the band but this time it would be in such a casual environment. No running or rushing off. There's no need. We are nothing but ex bandmates. Yet here I am practically shaking in my boots at the mere thought of making eye contact with him. The last time we spoke, it wasn't the prettiest situation. You see a year after I left the band, he reached out. He apologized and I forgave him. I apologized and he forgave too. But then in an a moment of vaunerbility... I confessed that I still loved him. That I would risk it all for him, if he felt the same. But he left. He didn't say a word, just looked horrified and left. I tried to stop him, but as I held his wrist he gave me a pleading look and barely audibly said "Please..." and in that moment I understood that I needed to let him go. So I did and I cried and shut down for weeks at the rejection. Then I realized how absurd it was of me to drop a bomb like that on him. See I've always chased commitment and stability, him on the other hand thrives in the unknown, and untitled. I should of known. Never the less I decided to leave LA that day and settle down in NY and try to move on. I'd say I succeeded. It may have been a roller coaster of a ride getting to where I am now but I am here and I am happy and that's all that matters.
