A Parent's Worst Nightmare

Determination

Once the transport team arrived, that's when I allowed the nurses to take me back to my room. Three days, they said. Three days before I could escape the hell that was the hospital where my son was ripped away from me. They called it discharging, I called it escape.
Three days would be too long for me. As soon as my catheter was removed, I stubbornly struggled to get out of bed. Each time walking farther and farther across the room. My fiancé urged me to relax , to allow my body to heal. I couldn't relax when my son was miles away, fighting for his life. My mind wouldn't silence, not for a moment. I knew I had to get out.
My fiancé went out for a smoke and some fresh air, so I made my first journey to the restroom by myself. I was dizzy, but the binder holding my stomach helped a lot. I stood in front of the mirror, assessing the state I was in. Was I crazy? I'd just had major surgery and I was acting like I'd just taken a stroll through the park, not to mention I refused heavy pain meds and opted for Toradol instead (I wanted to stay clear headed).
I was still in the restroom , a few yards from my bed, when my fiancé came back in the room. He insisted on helping me back to bed, and I allowed him, as I felt too exhausted to go it on my own and I knew he wouldn't take "no" for an answer .
I was up most of that night, watching my fiancé sleep in what had to be the most uncomfortable futon, beside me. A million thoughts raced through my mind.
By the time morning came, I'd slept only a few hours, but I wasn't tired, just in fight or flight mode.
I was making it my mission to be out the next morning, on day two. I continued to walk around, I did my makeup, a routine that got my mind off of everything for a short time and it gave me something to focus on besides the ache in my stomach and the pain in my heart.
Waking up on day two, was the first time my ObGyn had showed his face since my last appointment in office (he didn't show to deliver, obviously). When I expressed my concerns for my son, I got a shrugging "I'm sure he'll be fine" and an order for discharge as per my request.
My fiancé couldn't believe I actually talked the staff into allowing me to leave a day early.