Fire & Desire (Alec Lightwood)

16. I'm Lydia Branwell

"Is this what you wanted to talk about?" He questioned me after stepping back to give me a second to breathe. I rubbed at under my eyes collecting the tears before they could fall.

"No, I-I actually wanted to talk about Simon. Honestly, what do you think we should do?" I looked down at my toes and held myself tight for comfort. It was hard breaking down in front of a stranger that used to be your whole life. I didn't know if I wanted to run to or from him.

"Turn him." He said making my head snap up. Did he just say that being a vampire is better than death?

"What?" I asked him in disbelief, "You'd rather be turned then die?"

He shrugged his shoulders at me. "I didn't get a choice. I was just turned." His breath stuttered and he collected himself before continuing, ",and I remember waking up and seeing all of my friends dead around me and it was the most horrific thing I've ever experienced but, I'm alive." He rubbed at his chest like it was hurting him. "I'm alive." He mumbled to himself.

"Is a vampire life worth living?"

"It's better than death. It'll be hard in the beginning, really really hard. There's so much to learn and it can be hard to control... but it'll be okay. He'll learn."

I nodded. "He's going to have to."

~~~~

I shifted on the church pew adjusting my jeans awkwardly. Raphael and I went back down to the basement after our little heart to heart and ever since then we've all been sitting in complete silence.

Well, almost complete silence,"Clary, I really need to talk. I think I'm turning into a vampire. I'm scared." Simon said over the voicemail Clary kept replaying.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there. This is all my fault."

"Clary, this isn't your–" Jace tried.

"No, it is! If it weren't for me, Simon would have never even known about the Shadow World. He would never have been kidnapped by vampires. He wouldn't have met Camille. He would... He wouldn't be dead."

"Fledgling. He's in transition."

I rolled my eyes at her. I felt sorry for her and Simon, I really did, I just couldn't stand her attitude. Instead of being positive or trying to fix things she just sits there wallowing in self pity.

"And now I am left with two... two reprehensible choices... And I can't figure out which one is worse. If I, uh... if I bury Simon... what are the risks?"

"Clary, no. Absolutely not."

"Jace, I need to know!"

"If Simon is buried and he doesn't emerge... he would be trapped under the earth... starving for eternity."

"Oh, my God. And, uh... if I... if I stake him?"

"He'll die a human death. It's painless, as far as I know."

"Simon, I'm so sorry."

"Ok this has been fun." I said standing up and brushing off my clothes. I couldn't stand another minute of this. "Let me know what the plan is for tonight, I'm going to go check on the other warlocks." I said stepping towards the corner of the room and flicking my wrist. A small purple hole flickered to life and slowly grew bigger, constantly twisting and turning. I stepped towards it and turned around. Clary was still crying over Simons' body, Jace was watching Clary and Raphael was watching me. I saluted him with the flick of a wrist before falling backwards into the portal.

I blinked and started moving my legs as I travelled through the portal. I landed and did a running stop in the Bane apartment. It looked the same as when I left it this morning minus a Magnus Bane. I shrugged making my way to the bathroom for another quick shower.