Blood & Bone [Book Three of The City of Eternity Series] [✔]

3.16: Ghosts

I don't know what made it click that something was wrong. Maybe it was the gyrating of my jaw. Maybe it was the tears brewing in my eyes. Maybe it was the fact my fingers had been so fixated on their trembles that I'd been forced to dig my nails into the palm of my hand just to cease them.

But I knew it wasn't any of those, deep down.

I had been doing just about fine; the meal Inas had given me was satisfying enough to keep my bones from creaking. Yet here I was, stood in front of a banquet, and my whole body was crying out for me to take it all. Those nauseating pangs of hunger were rippling out from the deepest pit of my gut, each muscle vying for sustenance, each bone desperate to reach out for something, if for any reason; to stay intact.

I considered letting my instincts take over, giving in to the desperate pleas of my body and allowing the beast more freedom. Instead, I squatted down in front of the machine, gripping onto my knees as I tried to gain at least a little composure. I wanted the ground to latch onto my boots and hold me there, wrap vines around the soles and bind me to the soil until my senses returned to free me.

When sense failed to do so after a sizable minute, I stood weakly, bracing one hand against the machine as my fingers roughly gathered up the assortment of coins I'd been assigned this month, the cold of the metal prodding at my skin. I'd kept them stored in the hidden little pocket of my jacket, stitched into the material near my chest, with a shoddily crafted zip all that stood between the contents and thieving hands.

It was only a week before the refill I'd headed to Central's main office to receive Dhana and I's share; I'd been so desperately hungry that the four page form I had to fill in to access them had barely ground me down. The experience had gotten easier each time - even the fear of execution upon mistake meant very little to me at this point. The first time I'd trembled over the paper for three hours; coaxing Dhana into the zone, simply out of fear they'd done something to me.

I pull out several coins from the pocket, my fingers clenching onto the tattered edges as they lay heaped in my palm. As my eyes settled on them, a lump formed in my throat as I recognised the two sets of coins in front of me. There was no denying that the coins had two separate owners, the colours not even subtly different; while one set had a sleek silver finish and had been embroidered with my initials, the other, a copper gold, belonged solely to Dhana.

It was then I realised the snow had started once again, light flurries hitting the coins and disappearing instantaneously. I close my eyes tightly, my fingers trembling again as I force coins into the machine and listen for the packs of meat dropping to the bottom. Releasing the weighted breath I'd held throughout, I drop a few extra coins back into the pocket and then gather up the packs.

My body lurched forward with each step, exhaustion weighing down my limbs and lungs burning. The half-lit pathways in the direction of home gave little comfort, the pale moonlight illuminating dying plants and bloodied rocks as it pierced the breaks in the trees. I was acutely aware that the cloaked figures could be lingering within the darkness, shadows masking their faces further as they waited to jump me.