Poems at 3am

Childish fears(Tw: Suicidal thoughts S/A, theft..?)

If I had received a dollar for every time I wanted to be held so the monster in my closet would go away..
Oh never mind..

I'm sick of all my childish fears,
The nightmares,
I can't remember,
But I wish they would just go away!

I say "I'm not afraid of the dark",
But that too would be a lie,
Every time the daytime fades,
I'm scared for my life,
But what's worse,
Is the shadows even darker that lurk.

I hate that I'm afraid that one day all my friends will want to give up on me,
Like I do,
Everyday is a new battle of trying to stay alive,
But what good does it do,
I know I'm tired,
I don't know how much longer I can do it.

I'm scared that if I undo the stitches holding open my mouth in a smile,
No one would want to stick around,
After all,
What good am I if I can't laugh all the time,
Even when I clearly want to break down.

I'm scared that if I keep living,
If that's what I choose,
I will have to keep doing it alone,
After everything I would just lose.

I'm afraid my best friend of 5 years,
Won't even remember me,
One day she'll just leave me behind,
If she does I'm giving in to the drive,
The drive to just give up,
I would have finally had enough.

I'm tired of being so afraid if I fall asleep in school,
I'm afraid when I wake,
I'll be somewhere else,
Naked and feeling like a fool,
I'm scared that all my things will be gone from my fingers,
Shit!
Shocked beyond belief,
"I can't believe it happened again".

The childish fears sometimes keep me awake,
Another thing about them them I hate.

But the one I hate the most,
Is that I'm not what everyone says I am,
I'm not cool,
Or smart,
Or funny,
Or even kind,
Because how could I really be any of those things,
And still be left behind?

A/N: Hi guys! I hope you have a wonderful rest of your evening/morning and leave a comment and a vote if you enjoyed! Thank you all for reading!

~Ollie