Flawless

01

Kinn had been working for years. Being head of the mafia now came naturally to him. He would be lost at times but he worked well with his staff and efficiently managed his affairs. All the risky business gave him barely any time for his personal life.
Porsche, his boyfriend, would be left waiting at nights for his return. Even though Porsche himself was leading the minor family, the man occasionally left Vegas in charge, making time for his lover, Kinn.

The arrangements were faltering. Kinn wouldn't show up to dates, things would be cancelled without any explanation, Kinn's side of the bed was left empty at nights.

Porsche could feel the void. The empty space grew larger and larger everyday. Until it became a cliff. A very tempting fall that Porsche felt like taking.

"Kinn?"
"Yes?" Kinn replied from the other end of the call.
"When will you be back?"
"I don't know."
"Do you ever know?"
"Look, I am busy tonight."
"Yeah, I know. Like every other night."
"Good night, Porsche."
"Yeah."

Porsche ended the call only to throw his phone away. Tears welled up in his eyes. The mafia business was tiring and barely kept him satisfied. With Kinn gone nothing felt the same. It felt like Porsche was chasing something that wasn't even his own.

Where were his own dreams? His own life? Lately all his thoughts were occupied by Kinn. He didn't even think of anything else and it broke his heart when Kinn didn't reciprocate even half of his feelings.

"I'm so done." He told his sister Yok, reaching her bar.
"What happened?"
"It's all so fucked up."
"Will you tell me first, Porsche? What's going on?"
"Kinn. He's changed."
"What? How?"
"He's the head and has so much to do and is always busy. He never has time for me. It feels like he doesn't make time for me. I am the minor family head too but I still try. I am always thinking of him, trying to be there for him, but he has stopped doing that for me. It feels like..."
Porsche felt like crying. His throat hurt as he tried to subdue his tears.
"It feels like what? It's alright Porsche. What is it?" Yok stroked Porsche's shoulder reassuringly.

Porsche broke down under her touch.
"It feels like..." Porsche struggled with the sentence before blurting it out.
"It feels like he doesn't love me anymore."
Yok let the man sob for a good fifteen minutes, comforting him silently, stroking his hair and giving him tissues. When Porsche finally calmed down she talked to him.

"Porsche, it's natural to feel that after so many years. You have been with Kinn for five years now. That's the longest relationship you've ever had. It is new even for you. But let's be real. It isn't about what you think he feels. What do you feel yourself, because that's the feeling that you can be sure of. You can not assume Kinn's feelings without talking to him first. Maybe it's all just in your head."
"But when do I talk to Kinn? He's never there."
"You have to find time some way. This will only hurt you. Sort your own feelings and talk to him, okay?"

Porsche nodded slowly taking big gulps of the whiskey Yok had offered. Hard liquor made him tipsy. He asked for yet another one.
"Don't drink much." Yok warned.
But Porsche wasn't in the mood to listen anymore.

"I'm trying to sort my feelings here." Porsche replied waving his third glass of whiskey in the air. Yok went back to work as Porsche drank his fears away.

"Enough. Don't give him any more liquor." Yok ordered the staff. Porsche was about to pass out.

"Do you know?" Porsche slurred, liquor staining his breath.
"What?"
"I know what." He laughed, a deep laugh.
"You know what?"
"It isn't Kinn who doesn't love me."
"Then?"

"I don't."