"I Don't Do Love" || L. Laufeyson

25 | Coordinates

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I felt nothing.

Ever since I saw that Vision Wanda showed me, ever since I saw my brother again, I've felt like a part of me fell apart again.

Not because he's gone - i mean, yeah that too, obviously - but because I could've saved him.

I had the strength to. I had everything to save him from HYDRA.

But I didn't. I just let him fucking die.

I watched him being killed right in front of my eyes. And I didn't do anything.

I just stood there. Watched my brother die, not showing any emotion.

"Love?." I heard a soft voice to which I hummed in response.

"Can you walk? We're here." Loki spoke gently as he kept brushing trough my hair.

I slowly rose up from his lap and held his hand as I got on my feet, which worked surprisingly well. As I tried to take a step by myself, I instantly knew I couldn't. I could already feel myself fall.

I shook my head at him, not saying a word. So now I was limping inside with Loki holding tight onto my waist.

Inside, everyone was already spread all over the couch, clearly exhausted. Me and Loki walked past them, smiling softly to reassure them I'm okay.

The team told me some soft 'good night' and 'get well' as we made our way to my bedroom.

Once inside the room, I was sat down on the bed and Loki used his magic to change my clothes into more comfortable ones. I laid down with him beside me and snuggled into the crook of his neck while his arm snaked around my waist, pulling me impossibly close.

I tried to sleep but I couldn't. Everytime I closed my eyes I'd see him.

"What got you so distracted back there, my love?" He finally asked softly, carefully choosing his words.

I sighed, "My brother." My voice was barely above a whisper. It was so soft and quiet I didn't even think Loki could've heard me, but be did.

"I didn't know you had a brother." he said with furrowed eyebrows, his voice remaining soft and careful.

"You barely know anything about my family. No one really does. But yeah, I did." I smiled softly at the memory of him.

I knew Loki wanted to know. I felt his mouth opening and closing his mouth, mentally debating if he should ask me about my family or not.

"My parents, my brother and me. We lived in a small apartment here in New York. It wasn't much but that's all we could afford. We actually were a pretty happy family. My parents owed someone a debt thought. To HYDRA, to be exact. I don't know how they got on their radar, they never told me. So one day we're eating together when someone aggressively knocked on our door. It was like they were trying to break it. It all happened so fast, I don't even know what exactly happened. So one second were eating dinner and the next my mom is on the floor with a bullet in her forehead. Next was my dad and it was just me and Liam, my brother. I had somehow stolen a gun from an agent and pointed it at the one that held a gun against Liam's head. I was so ready to shoot him. But I didn't. I watched as my whole family got killed, and when I could've saved my brother, I let him die. I expected HYDRA to kill me. But they didn't, instead they took me and made me one of their greatest weapons." I was just holding in my tears at the end.

Loki held me close to him, my face buried in his chest as I finally cried. Iet it all out. My streaming tears staining his shirt.

"I'm sorry" I chocked out quietly, "I feel like all I did the last week's was just crying."