The Mafia Boss has a dirty little secret. BxB

24 - Are you ashamed of me?

Even after they left my blood continued to boil. I still felt annoyed as hell and their presence alone made me uneasy. Was my underling so incompetent to let deals slip up just because of a day off.  I was drowning myself in three bottles of alcohol in the longue room, while I gave Ethan a hard stare. He explained that he purposely let the deals slip up. Because if he didn't, we'd be up against the Hence and he felt the deal wasn't worth it.

" I understand your point of view but how the hell did my father find out?" I asked as my stomach started to churn from the amount of alcoholic I was consuming.

" May I suggest your brother?" I hissed at the fact the called that bastard my brother and he gulped.

" That bastard is not my brother." I stated as I began to logically think it through. Soran was the type to dig up dirt on me and go bitching to father about it. So I guess he probably was the culprit.

" You can leave now." He smiled as he got up, pushing a water bottle my way.

" You should drink that."  Ethan said with a smile. His smile was met with an even harder stare and he finally got the hint.  He left the room and the people who caused my blood to boil also left my mind.

I was stuck thinking about the only person left to think about.  Tae.

I had hurt him again, I had pushed him away like everyone else. The person I had promised to cherish and protect was being hurt by me.

I didn't want to follow the logical part of my brain that said  'it's better for you to leave the misunderstanding as is.'  Let him get the wrong idea so he begins to hate you to the point, where your love for him becomes hatred.

But logic was useless when I had my heart. I couldn't stop thinking about him. I needed to see his face. To tell him that I was just protecting him, not pushing him away.

My heart must've won the argument because I ended up in front of Liam's room. I opened the door and leaned against the doorframe. Tae was pressing a kiss against Liam's forehead as he tugged Liam under the covers. Liam had fallen asleep but from his wet cheeks alone I could tell he had been crying.

Tae turned around and looked at me, it was as if he knew I was there.

I knew I looked disheveled but I don't think that could've compared to the look in his eyes. His mesmerizing brown eyes were completely dark. His face held no expression and his scent was depressing. If I didn't know any better I might have said he looked sad. But, no he looked broken.

I ran my fingers through my hair to comfort my own shattering heart. I had let his hand go because I wanted to protect him. But that was half the reason. I had let go of his hand because I didn't them to see us together.  To see me with Tae.

" I can sleep in the guest room if you'll allow me."  Tae's tone wasn't soft anymore, it was fragile. He walked past me and I gripped his arm.

" No, you'll stay with me." I said. I pulled his arm towards me until it wrapped around me and his body landed against mines.

There was a moment of silence as I wrapped my arms around his fragile frame. He didn't push me away but he didn't look at me either. His eyes seemed to be focused on the floor, as if white titles were the most interesting thing in the world.

His cheeks turned a shade of red, the kind of red you turn when you're sick. He buried his face into my chest and mumbled something. But I heard him.

" Are y-you...ashamed of me ?" The words alone were enough to make my heart break. The pit in my stomach began to grow as I felt my blood run cold. Did he really think he was something to be ashamed of ? Better yet was I ashamed of him ?

I rested my head on top of his head. Being so close to him when he was so broken, made me soften a little.   I felt some of my walls come down. I didn't feel the need to lie, not with him.

" I am not ashamed of you. There's nothing about you to be ashamed of." I said because I needed him to know he wasn't the problem.

I was. 

"But... I am ashamed of myself." I removed my head from his and he finally looked into my eyes. His eyes weren't as dark anymore and he didn't look as sad. That made my heart warm up a little.

" I shouldn't have pushed you away.  I just wanted to protect you and my reputation." I took his hand and aligned his fingers with mines. I'm pretty sure my own fingers started trembling as I realized where I was going with this.

The warm feeling slowly faded into an anxious beating. I didn't like it,  it felt so weird to be so open. I had always bottled everything up because not doing so would be a sign of weakness.  I couldn't risk being weak when I could so easily be replaced. But Tae, he so easily let me see him in such vunerable states. It made me feel guilty about my own walls.

" You... You came into my life and made me feel all those things. I didn't know what to do with all the feelings, so I pushed them away. I pushed you away. "  Admitting it out loud, made me realize how horrible of a person I am.  I hurt him again and again, even though he didn't deserve it.

" I shouldn't have pushed you away. But I didn't know what else to do.  It's strange, I never felt this way towards anyone but you." The darkness in his eyes was slowly fading and a light blush appeared on his cheeks.

" Wha- what feelings?" He mumbled and I felt myself smile. How was he so oblivious to my feelings for him ?

" Hmm, You're drunk aren't you." Tae stated as he playfully pinched my nose.

" Yes, but I feel less like a coward this way."  I admitted as I leaned in and placed a kiss on his cheek.

" I felt the need to have you by my side at all times...I want to protect you... I  don't want to let you go but I don't want to pull you in too close to my heart... " I said as I placed kisses on his nose , his lips, and his neck.  Which earned me a small whimper from the his now trembling figure.

" I want to kiss you. ..I want to hold you... " Tae turned red as I continued to kiss him down. I rubbed my teeth against the fabric of his shirt, where I could feel his heart throbbing. 

"  Stop." He said and even his breathing was heavy. I chuckled and pulled him even closer. I would not let him leave my side.

" Tae, I'll be gone for about a week." I said, earning a confused expression from Tae.

" You'll be coming with me." Tae's eyes widened and I chuckled.

" I told you I won't let you leave my side."

Tomorrow their will be a double update. One long chapter and a ° cough cought  18 + cough cought ° chapter. Lmao I managed to come up with more than three different times to update. Yet I still don't update on time. Anyways tomorrow is going to be my first day back to school so expect updates early in the morning or after 3pm.

Dec 11, 2022. 6: 20 pm

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