Heartstone

Blue Screen of Death

The old timer frowned, then caught on and burst out laughing. A moment later, the others got it too.

"The naked fat guy!"

"The one mooning us!"

Arwin nodded. "I'll bet he has one. We've got to capture him and get a key from him." He thought quickly. "We need a distraction. Something to keep the white-collars off our backs long enough to tackle the fat man."

"Why don't we start a fire?" a very stupid man suggested.

Arwin kept his voice patient, like speaking to a baby. "Um, why don't we think of something that won't rapidly get out of control and burn up the forest we're completely surrounded by, putting us all in mortal danger?"

"Oh." The dullard nodded. "That's smart. So, what should we do about the one I already started?"

"The one you—?" Arwin jumped to his feet.

The dullard pointed behind himself. A small fire burned in the grass and weeds just outside the dirt floor they all sat on.

"Put it out! Put it out!" the man beside Arwin shouted, taking leadership.

Frantically, the men rose and sought to put the fire out. They beat at it with clothes and tossed the meagre remains of their gruel at it, but nothing helped. The grass was dry, and the fire rapidly spread. Soon the white collars caught wind of the smoke, and, shouting, they too went into panic mode.

Arwin caught the old timer's arm. "Now's our chance! Keep the white-collars occupied! I'll find the blue mooner!"

The old timer nodded and set off yelling, calling the white collars towards the fire.

Arwin found the man who had been sitting next to him earlier. He pulled him aside. "Hey. What's your name?"

"Me? Jacque."

"Jacque. Grab a couple of men. Let's get the mooner and find that key!"

The man nodded. He turned and pulled two big, athletic men away from fire fighting. Together, the four raced to the edge of the forest, seeking the point where the mooner had last been seen.

They found the nude man curled up, taking a nap. They cautiously surrounded him and moved in.

A twig snapped underfoot, and the mooner woke. "Ah! Whaddya want, ya slaves!"

Arwin held up his hands in a gesture of peace. "You have a special key, don't you? A dental key?"

The mooner shiftily looked back and forth. "Ain't got no key."

"So you do have it!" Arwin stated with a confident smile.

The mooner looked at Arwin in surprise, eyes wide. "How'd you know that?"

"You used a double negative. Ain't got none means that you do have one. Also, you just confirmed it."

The mooner scowled. "Drat!"

"Please," Arwin begged, "we need that key to free people from their collars."

"Bah! And ruin my fun? Never." The man crossed his arms with a smug grin. "Why don't ya get back to your rock breakin' and I'll be along shortly to give you something special." He chuckled evilly.

Arwin shared a glance with Jacque. The other man shrugged, and Arwin nodded. Together they advanced on the mooner.

Realizing his predicament, he put up a fierce fight. It took all four of the men to subdue him. They pushed him to the ground and sat on him.