Modern day fairytale (P1Harmony's Theo Fanfiction)

5 - Confidence

Ten days later I stood right in the middle of our party, chatting with Keeho. It was a decent party, lots of our friends visited their families over the holiday and we had way too many snacks. But secretly I had already hoped for less people to come. I didn't really feel like seeing too many at once lately. Intak approached us. "I hate to interrupt you", he started even before really reaching us, "But you probably should know who's in town instead of out to visit the family and that I am sorry that I couldn't keep them from you." Just as he finished his sentence, I saw who he meant: My ex and his new girlfriend. Well, she was not new, they had been a couple since a few years already now, but I still called her like that. My mood dropped in an instant. And it got even worse as I realized that they made their way towards us. "You got this", Intak mumbled reassuring and Keeho shortly squeezed my hand.

Now, to understand this situation we have to go far back to when I was in a relationship with that guy. Back then he insisted to be called MJ though his real name was Miles. He had been my first boyfriend ever, so I probably never questioned how he was to me. My friends and family didn't like him though and that sometimes got me thinking. He often made short comments towards me, teasing me about weighing too much or told others about my clumsiness. I always played along and never told him that it made me feel uncomfortable. Which, looking back, was the biggest mistake. On top of that, he never told me anything that showed me he would be proud of me in any way. Slowly but surely my self-confidence crumbled to pieces. And it totally shattered as he dumped me for this new girl. She was thinner, she was more elegant and way less clumsy. I was at the bottom of my confidence levels.

But I at least wasn't alone. Miles stole Keeho's girlfriend and as we found out we shared the same story, we became friends. Keeho had been getting out of this with less damage; his pride was scratched but he got over it soon due to not being in this relationship too long. With Keeho came Soul and together with Intak they slowly helped me to build my confidence back up. However, it doesn't matter how much confidence you have. You can be the most confident woman in this world and you still will question yourself sometimes, triggered by a hot boy not interested in you the slightest, some stupid comments or simply by uncomfortable situations.

And such a situation I found myself in right now as Miles and his new girl – I forgot her name – stood in front of us. I felt Intak's hand on my back and Keeho close to me and I knew they had my back. But my confidence suddenly turned shy and hid itself. Dang it. "Katy, long time no see", Miles smirked. All I could do was nod. "You haven't changed at all, still looking as ever", he added and inspected me. That's it. "Excuse me, I think I need some fresh air, I don't feel well", I mumbled quickly and rushed away before someone else could stop me.

I sat on a bench right around the corner of our garden. I knew it. Intak, Soul and Keeho often encouraged me and told me I was good-looking, but I refused to believe it. That's how Keeho's and my bet started. As he figured that I wouldn't do so because I actually felt uncomfortable with myself, he offered me to help me get myself fit – but in a healthy way. I gladly agreed and it felt like I did make a lot of progress since then. But hearing Miles stating I didn't change at all, with that judging look on his face, I suddenly thought that I must be wrong. I haven't made progress, I just was hyped up by the guys. Being objective, I probably would figure I was just as chubby still. A clumsy, chubby person not worthy of being found attractive or even – "Hey there", my thoughts got interrupted. I spun around and saw Theo, his hands in his pockets, a warm smile on his face.

"I saw you rushing out and just wanted to make sure you are okay. You looked stressed", he explained while sitting down next to me, "Everything okay?" I fiddled with my fingers and shrugged. "I just needed fresh air", I mumbled. He inspected me. I didn't want him to see that fragile side of me. He hasn't seen it until now and for some reason I was afraid of him thinking of me as weak. "What do you think of the party?", I asked, "You like it?" He took time to answer, probably trying to figure out if he should accept the topic change or not.

"It's nice", he then said. "Does your girlfriend like it too?", I went on. "She's having the time of her life it seems", Theo answered. "Shouldn't you look after her?" "Jongseob promised me to keep an eye on her. I first wanted to check in on you." "Why didn't you let Jongseob go after me instead?" "I just ran after you and happened to cross path with him. I didn't want to lose your track, so I just asked him to do that without explaining the situation." I looked at Theo. Why did he care about me so much that he even ran after me? Wasn't I a useless person? "Come on, tell me what happened. I can't leave you here like this without an answer", he said softly. "Why do you care so much?", I gave back. "We're friends, aren't we?", he said. I blinked. I guess we were. I sighed, giving up. If he was my friend he wouldn't judge me for being weak.

"My ex is here", I mumbled, "With his new girlfriend. We didn't exactly have the nicest breakup, you know? When he left me, my confidence was shattered and I suddenly felt exactly the way I had back then just because I stood in front of him. His power over me still seems to be that great." Theo looked at me while I stubbornly stared into the darkness in front of us, not able to look at him. I was nervous about his answer. After some more seconds he said: "You're an amazing and beautiful young woman, Katy. Inside and out. Don't let him have this power over you. It's a tough decision but it still is yours to make, not his. You don't need to believe his words, because whatever they were, they were surely not true, okay?" His words felt like a warm hug. "Okay", I answered shyly. He smiled and pulled me into a short side-hug.

For a few more seconds we sat there, silent. Then he suggested to go back. I shook my head. I didn't feel ready. "You can't avoid it. You will run into him again one day. But here we're all there to support you", Theo encouraged me. "I can't", I whispered. "Too bad", he gave back and stretched relaxed, "I won't go back in without you. Bet my girlfriend will start missing me soon though." I shot him a side glare. I understood what he was doing there. He just grinned at me innocently. The thing was - it worked. I didn't want his girlfriend to wait for him and cause turbulence in any kind of way. I sighed, knowing I could argue with him for some time now or just give up right away to save time. It was inevitable. "Let's go", he said enthusiastically, got up and offered me his hand.

And a minute later, I was back inside, surrounded by Intak, Keeho and Theo with no chance to escape. I felt awful. How could I return with my head up after chickening out? Miles looked at me and I felt myself shrinking. "Why'd you leave?", he asked. I didn't answer. To my surprise, Theo lay his arm around my shoulder and said: "It's just too hot in here, don't you think? I also needed to get fresh air for a bit." I felt a bit more assured. Miles shrugged, losing interest in his original question. "Anyway, did you find a new boyfriend already? Or did clumsy little you break him already?", he then tried to tease me. I took a deep, shaky breath. "My sister's not that clumsy", Intak said warningly, "And if, it's always quite endearing because other than you she doesn't think of it as a flaw." "On top of that, she is beautiful enough to get more than one date offer, let me tell you. We often get visit only because our friends want to see her", Keeho added. I looked at my friends. Maybe one person can drain you of all your confidence in an instant. But just the same way there are people who give it back to you. Intak, Keeho, Theo, but also Soul, Jongseob and Jiung. It was six against one. But even if it would be only one against one - It was up to me who I would believe.

"You know, Miles", I said so calm it surprised myself, "Other than some others, I don't need a relationship to define my worth. Other than some people I don't need to make my partner feel worthless to feel superior myself. I am the way I am, maybe not perfect but there is not one single person on this whole earth who has the same smile, the same eyes or the same combination of talents like I do. So, if you ask me if I broke my potential boyfriend – No. Not because I am not clumsy, but because I simply don't have one. Maybe one day I will, but right now I am not desperately searching for one just to have a relationship. I don't need someone to tell me I am beautiful because I know that myself. I don't need someone to spend my time with because I like who I am. I am not afraid of being by myself and realizing that I can't stand the person I became. No, I don't have a boyfriend. Because I feel precious enough to wait for the right one." Miles looked at me in disbelief. Intak, Keeho and Theo on the other hand beamed at me proudly and I sent the latter one a short thankful look. He discreetly waved it off. "Good for you", Miles then mumbled and I realized that it was the beginning of the end. He started to lose his power over me.