Kingsbridge (a Nas Story)

TWENTY SIX

Gia | New York, New York

"Do you want the truth or the harsh truth?"

Dr. Johnson's gaze told me everything I needed to know. She was going to cut me deep. The unfortunate thing about it was that my insurance was covering all of this.

"I pay for your honesty by the hour. Have at it." I sighed after speaking from a place of honesty.

Dr. Johnson closed her notebook and leaned forward on the edge of her seat. Her glasses coming off of her face with a single motion from her hand as she placed the frames on the side table next to her.

"Your best option is to divorce him."

I stared at the artwork behind Dr. Johnson's head as she kept talking.

"He will continue this behavior because your presence in his life welcomes it."

The angels were immortalized in oil paint. Heavy, thick clouds were their shield as their bare chests and private areas were covered by them. Their wings spread wide and glittering beneath the lamp lighting.

"This isn't Nasir that you're married to. This is Nas."

The angel's beautiful brown skin reminded me of Pria the more I stared at her. Her hair curly and crowned her temple. Her cheeks round and blushed a faintly painted red.

"You think so?" I asked absentmindedly.

"I know so, Gia." Dr. Johnson was stepping outside of her PhD with her replies. She was talking to me more of an aunt trying to save her niece.

"This cycle has caused you to step outside of your marriage because HE did. This type of behavior will indeed effect your mental health as well as your ability to be the best parent you know how to be for your children."

I peeled my eyes away from the painting and centered my focus on my wedding ring that he snuck inside of Pria's diaper bag a week before I flew out to Chicago.

The emerald solitaire diamond staring right back at me.

"What does that ring mean to you?" Dr. Johnson noticed how I turned the ring over my left finger aimlessly.

"Everything." A lump forming in my throat.

"The embarrassment of taking it off means everything to you, Gia."

Dr. Johnson got me good—again.

My foundation was stained with my tears as I let them fall. My vision had become blurred by my own tears as the droplets fall onto my left hand.

"Not the man who put the ring on your hand." She added.

"If he meant what that ring means to you, would you be sitting here with me? Wouldn't you have went downtown to dismiss the divorce if the man he is RIGHT NOW—meant that much to you?"

I crouched into my own lap and let out a violent scream. Spittle forming on the corners of my lips from crying. Dr. Johnson got up from her chair and held me close to her chest as I let everything out.

"You want this to work because you want to perfect image. But Gia, nobody's perfect. Not even you." Dr. Johnson continued to rub my back as I soaked her plaid blouse completely.

"This embarrassment that you're so afraid of? It holds the real you behind it. The you that you're afraid to become after you've freed yourself from this marriage that's hurting you."

I let her words vibrate against my cheek as I continued to hold on to her.

"I'll tell you a story—completely off the record." She said in a chipper voice as she continue to stroke my back with a maternal touch.