Clouds Amongst the Stars [ A Poetry Collection ]

ghost

In spending too much time
Investing in the fear
Of ghosts in my past
I let myself become one.
The back of my mind
Always lived in the garden of demons
Of headstones carved by my own bloody fingernails
Old and new
Dark grey and pail
I slept at the foot of the graves
I let the grass grow wild under hail
The vines weaved themselves
Entangling with my tired starving body
I let myself become a prisoner of my own fears
The fall gave me no time for tears
My eye lids were too heavy
My wrists too bloody
My bare feet too shredded from the running.
I needed a place to sleep
To let myself sit on pause for however long id need
But i sat too long
It all felt wrong
I didn't try to stand
I didn't bat a lash
I let myself give up for just a little while.
The night somehow grew darker
The clouds a little thicker
The air a little staler
The ground a little colder.
The rain pelted against my temple
Filling my ears and soaking my crimson ridden clothes
The puddles turned into streams
The streams turned to a flood.
But there i stayed,
Laying against a harsh and jagged headstone
The ghosts screams wouldn't leave me alone
The will to try was a distant memory
It felt like a dream from ages before.
I didn't know how long i breathed dirty water
Before the clouds parted
The rain slowed
And the vines withered.
I couldn't find the strength
To open my eyes enough
To clear the sight before me
But what i saw
It woke me up
It restarted my heart
It forced air into my lungs.
His wings so bright,
Eyes so light
He held a storm in his chest
Yet brought mine to a rest
Every depiction of an angel is perfect
Not a scratch or hint or darkness to suspect
No angel is perfect
Certainly not this one.
His halo is cracked
His wings stained deep red
His black jeans ripped
His arms showing self shred.
I saw the storm in his eyes
The peace in his smile.
He saw the fear in my eyes
The ghost in my smile.
His purpose gave me purpose.
I can't imagine why.
Only God knows.
Finally i felt the strength
I felt the urge to regain my footing.
One foot in front of the other
For the first time in weeks i was moving.
Somewhere in my path to him
I turned my head.
My stomach fell at the sight
Of the place i let myself fall.
The worst part of it all
Was the name on the headstone.
I hardly recognized the letters of my own name.
My breath hitched and my knees buckled.
But this time
This time someone was there to catch me.
For the first time
I'm not alone.
I still feel like a ghost.
But at least now
Someone can see me.