The Summer Before

Chapter Thirty-Six

Tessa

I needed a cold shower after my little rendezvous with Levi this morning. And I needed advice from my friends. How the hell am I supposed to survive the next few days without giving in to temptation, especially when Levi says and does things like he did this morning?

~

"Then he said what?" Colin was grilling me about what happened, demanding I explain everything that happened over again in excruciating detail.

"Don't make her say it again," Charlotte interjected.

"Yeah, she already told us. He was wearing low-hanging sweats with nothing underneath as he told her all about how he jerked it to the thought of her writhing underneath him." Leah didn't even bat an eyelash as she embellished my version of events from earlier.

"Hey! He never actually said that!" I knew the implication was there, but still, he wasn't crass enough to say it out loud.

Colin sat thoughtfully for a few minutes, no doubt dissecting every detail that I'd shared about my new game with Levi, calculating some way for me to win the game. At this point, I'm not sure either of us will win if we keep torturing each other like this. Maybe that's the point.

Maybe the universe is trying to tell us something here. What's that saying- don't play with fire if you're afraid to get burned?

Well, I'll be on my way to the emergency room if I'm not careful with my next move because this game I've entered into with Levi is definitely blazing hot. And so was he this morning in those sweats that teased what he was packing underneath.

I've seen what he's working with. Touched it, felt it as he worshipped me that night so long ago. I know what it's like to be loved by him, even if it's only for a night, even if it was all a lie.

"Earth to Tessaaa." I look up to find Colin waving a hand in my face.

"Sorry, what?"

He sighs, rolling his eyes. "I was just saying it's obvious he wants to sleep with you. I mean, duh. But how do you want to play your next move?"

I stare at him blankly.

What do I want to do next?

I could continue the tease and make him crazy up until the time I have to go back home, leaving him with blue balls while I drive back to Surf City. Lord knows he deserves it after last summer, but can I do that?

It would hurt him, yes, but only temporarily. Once I'm gone, he'll just round up the next willing participant at the bar to curb his lust, and I'll be just as worked up and alone by the time I get home. It's not my style to go out and grab a random stranger to bring to my bed as Levi does.

The alternative is more daunting, though. I could give in, work him up a bit more, then make him beg for it before letting us take our frustrations out on each other for one more night. I'm not naïve this time. I know what it would be, just one night of purely physical intimacy between former friends.

It wouldn't be like last time when I thought we shared something special. He just wants sex, and so do I. That's all it would be. That's all it ever was. No real feelings, no false pretenses or declarations. Just the cold hard truth and two warm bodies forced together by circumstance.

Colin's voice cuts through my mind. "Do you want to mess with him and leave him high and dry? Or do you want to take what he has to offer and relieve some of your pent-up frustration?"

I look down at my hands, thinking about everything that's happened between Levi and me. The good, the bad, the innocent, and the not-so-innocent. Each memory floods through my mind until I think back to last summer and the past few days. That's when I make my decision.

"I know what I want to do."

*

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Levi

The game I was playing with Tessa was a dangerous one. Some part of me knew it was stupid all along. How could I ever think it would end well?

With our history, someone was bound to get hurt. And after last summer, I'm pretty sure that someone will be me. My body kept telling me I just wanted to sleep with her one last time, to get her out of my system and let myself move on. The beating organ in my chest felt differently.

Tessa was always supposed to be mine. At least, that's what my foolish heart wanted to believe. I spent so much time and energy trying to forget her, to bury my feelings for her deep so I'd never have to feel her under my skin again. All my hard work went out the door the second she popped back into my life.

Why can't I just let her go?

I shake the thought from my head, once again trying to convince myself that this is just a game, a physical game. It's only meant to relieve the stress and frustration that's built up over the past year.

She and I can both get what we want- sex, nothing more. That's all she ever wanted anyway.

The thought stings more than it should. We both messed up last summer. She did what she did, and I was too stupid and lovesick to see what was really going on. If I'd paid more attention, maybe I wouldn't be in this situation. Maybe last summer never would have happened, and things between us would be like they were before we crossed that line.

The cold hard truth is, she never really loved me. She said the words, made me feel good, then ripped my heart right out. I'm not sure I'll ever truly recover from that. I'm not sure I'll ever let love in again.

How can I when she still holds the ropes that bind my heart to hers?

Because of her, I'll only ever know that kind of love for one person. She took that from me and made my heart yearn for her. Now, he only wants her, and I'm fool enough to let her close again. Close enough to burn me if I'm not careful.

I keep telling myself this is revenge or some stupid game, but I think I know the truth deep down.

I still want her. And I'll take what I can get even if that means my heart takes another hard hit.

She wants to fuck me. That much is evident from the way she was watching me this morning when I set the bait. She took it like a starved fish, hungry for anything she could get, catching herself on my hook.

I'll play the game, let her think she's won, give her what she wants, then let her go. It's the only way to preserve what's left of my dignity. If I tell her the truth- that I still care about her- she'll own that much more of me.

And that's a price I'm not willing to pay.  

A/N:

What do you think of Levi's revelation? He still cares... But will he end up hurt or happy by the end of this little game? Let me know what you think in the comments below. Also, if you're enjoying so far and can't wait to see what's next, hit that vote button and let me know. 

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