Incorrect Quotes (Jimmy and Joel only)

-1-

Joel: You've got to learn to love yourself.
Jimmy: But don't you hate yourself.
Joel: Yeah, but this is about you. Stay focused.

Jimmy: Good morning!
Joel: Is it? Is it really?

Joel: Tell me a little about yourself.
Jimmy: I'd rather not, I really like this group.

Joel: I'll offer you some friendly advice-
Jimmy: I don't want your advice.
Joel: Well, then consider it unfriendly advice.

Jimmy: Who's in charge here?
Joel, shrugging: Usually whoever yells the loudest.

Jimmy: How stupid do you think I am?!
Joel: You really want an honest answer to that?

Jimmy: I'm scared that when you become rich and famous you'll be embarrassed by me.
Joel: Oh Jimmy, I'm already embarrassed by you.

Joel: Damn, the power went out.
Jimmy: Don't worry, I got this.
Jimmy: *stomps foot*
Joel: What-?
Jimmy: *Sketchers light up*

Joel: Why do you hang out with me?
Jimmy: You're the best thing that's ever happened to me!
Joel: ...
Joel: I feel a bit sorry for you.

Jimmy: We'll find another route, it's not safe for amateur adventurers.
Joel: That sounds like a challenge.
Jimmy: I have to stress, that is not a challenge.
Joel: ... Is exactly what you say to dissuade the weak of heart from accepting the challenge. Well, the challenge is accepted!
Jimmy: There is no challenge!

Joel: Am I going too far?
Jimmy: No, no, no. You went too far about 7 hours ago. Now you're going to prison.

Jimmy: I've been sleeping so little the past few nights that when I go to the alarm app, I click on the "power nap" button. I don't set up alarms, I set up timers, Joel.

Jimmy: So, what are we doing?
Joel: Wasting our lives.
Jimmy: I meant for lunch...

Joel: I've been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.
Jimmy: Wow. They sound stupid.
Joel: But they're not. They're really smart actually. Just dense.
Jimmy: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don't know... "Hey! I love you!"
Joel: I guess you're right. Hey Jimmy, I love you.
Jimmy: See! Just say that!
Joel: Holy fucking shit.
Jimmy: If that flies over their head then, sorry Joel, but they're too dumb for you.
Joel: Jimmy.

Joel: I'm quick at math.
Jimmy: Ok, what's 38 times 76?
Joel: 24.
Jimmy: That wasn't even close.
Joel: But it was quick.

Jimmy: There's something I have to ask about you-know-who.
Joel: Voldemort?
Jimmy: No.
Joel: Is it Voldemort?
Jimmy: It's not Voldemort.
Joel: You haven't mentioned wizards once in this conversation, so I'm gonna have to assume it's Voldemort.

Joel: We can't lose. Because we have this. *points to their chest*
Jimmy: We have hearts?
Joel: Hearts? No, me. I'm pointing at myself. I'm going to win this for us.

Joel: Ask me anything. Go ahead, I'll give you a straight answer.
Jimmy: Why are we so awesome?
Joel: That's the best fucking question anybody's ever asked.

Joel: Don't worry, I know exactly what I'm doing. Everything is going to be fine!
Jimmy: How can you still say that?
Joel: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.

Jimmy: Wait you like me? For my personality?
Joel: I know, I was surprised too.

Jimmy: I'm trying to juggle family life and work life but I can't seem to find a balance. What do you suggest I do to keep everyone happy?
Joel, deadpan: Quit your job, kill your family.

Jimmy: So uh, for this party and everything, do you, uh...
Joel, sighing: You don't know how to dress for this, do you?
Jimmy, panicked: WHAT ARE CLOTHES???

Joel: Here you go, Jimmy, a nice hot cup of coffee!
Jimmy: It's cold.
Joel: A nice cup of coffee.
Jimmy: It's horrible!
Joel: Cup of coffee.
Jimmy: I'm not sure if this even IS coffee.
Joel: C U P.

Joel, sniffling: Calm down, I'm probably not sick. It might just be allergies.
Jimmy: Okay, tell me this: are you like, really tired?
Joel: I have depression, what do you think?