Incorrect Quotes (Jimmy and Joel only)

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Jimmy: I'm scared that when you become rich and famous you'll be embarrassed by me.
Joel: Oh Jimmy, I'm already embarrassed by you.

Jimmy: Sorry it took so long to bail you out of jail.
Joel: No, it was my fault. I shouldn't have used my phone call to prank call the police station.

Joel: Pick a card, any card.
Jimmy: Fine.
Joel: Wait, that's my credit card!
Jimmy: You said any card.

Jimmy: My life is a mess.
Joel: Jimmy relax, go get a beer.
Jimmy: I don't want a beer.
Joel Who said it was for you?

Joel: The Ocean is a soup.
Jimmy:
Jimmy: Do elaborate.
Joel: What is needed for something to be a soup?
Jimmy: Erm... Water, salt, some form of vegetation, and personally I prefer some meat in mine.
Joel: *Tilts head*
Jimmy: The Ocean is a Soup.
Joel: The Ocean is a Soup.

Jimmy: God, give me patience.
Joel: I think you mean 'give me strength'.
Jimmy: If God gave me strength, you'd be dead.

*Jimmy and Joel skipping stones on the lake*
Jimmy: It's such a beautiful evening.
Joel, whispering: Take that you f*cking lake

Jimmy: So what's for dinner?
Joel, staring at the food he just burnt: Regret.

Joel: I am not out of control! I'm a law-abiding citizen!
Jimmy: Really? Name one law
Joel: Don't kill people?
Jimmy: That's on me. I set the bar too low.

Jimmy: Violence isn't the answer.
Joel: You're right.
Jimmy: *sighs in relief*
Joel: Violence is the question.
Jimmy: What?
Joel, bolting away: And the answer is yes.
Jimmy, running after them: NO-

Jimmy: How do I deal with my enemies?
Joel: Kill them
Jimmy: That's a bit extreme, I was hoping for a more passive solution
Joel: Kill them only a little?

Joel: Okay. I get it. You've had a really hard time lately, you're stressed out, seven people died-
Jimmy: Twelve, actually.
Joel: Not the point. Look, they're dead now and really whose fault is that?
Jimmy: Yours!
Joel: That's right: no ones.

Jimmy: Date someone who will drag you outside at 3 am to look at the stars.
Joel: If anyone, and I mean anyone, wakes me up at 3 am to go look at the damn sky they will be removed indefinitely from my life.

Jimmy: I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.
Joel: You're like 15 years old
Jimmy: I MIGHT DIE AT 30!

Jimmy, pointing: May I sit there?
Joel: That's my lap
Jimmy: That doesn't answer my question, Joel.

Joel: Ugh, crushes are so dumb.
Jimmy: I know. Whenever I'm near the person I like I just start acting stupid.
Joel: But you're always acting stupid?
Jimmy: ...
Jimmy: Yeah, don't think about that too hard.

Jimmy: We both look very handsome tonight.
Joel: You know, if you'd just said that I looked handsome, I would have said, "So do you."
Jimmy: I couldn't take that chance.

Joel: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.
Jimmy: But, Joel, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.
Joel: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??
Jimmy: Is it working?

Joel: Smart is attractive. Educate me on something I don't know!
Jimmy: The mouth of a jellyfish is also an anus.
Joel: Stop.