Without You (Steddie)

Chapter 4

A/N; hi my name's author and I'm here to make you feel sad n shit. 

TW; suicidal ideation, depressive thoughts, trauma mentions, self harm

Robin had to go back home.

Leaving me here alone with my thoughts again.

She said she'd call me 2 times a day when she's not able to be here with me. Which I don't doubt she'll do.

I still feel a little better now that I got to talk with her. Not a lot, but enough to get me to be able to sleep through the night without waking up screaming again. So, that might be something. 

I've spent most of today doing just that, sleeping. Have I used today? Sure. Ketamine. Makes my dreams more lucid. Makes me see shit that's not there. Makes me feel like I can exist on a planet sans Eddie and it might be okay. For a minute. Until I get caught up in thinking about him again. Then it consumes me. 

Let's go back down to a trip down memory lane, shall we? 

Let's start first day of 6th grade. I was nervous as hell for middle school. Shaking in my literal boots, since it was dumping down rain and I had my rain boots on. Mistake I made? No umbrella. Shit. 

My mom dropped me off, since Dad was out on one of his many abroad trips for work. Before he started to drag her along, to 'keep up appearances' and make it seem like he actually gave a shit about his wife. Not me, though, never me. Little did I know the next year they would start being gone longer and longer. 13 years old and completely on my own for weeks at a time. 

I bolted through the parking lot, not looking ahead of me and ran smack into someone carefully avoiding puddles, umbrella in hand. We both fell flat on our asses. "Oh my god I'm so sorry!" I stood up quickly and offered my hand to the now soaked boy I ran into. He looked up at me sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck offering me a soft half smile. "Shit man, watch where you're going." 

"I'm an idiot and forgot my umbrella... I was trying to get out of the rain." 

"I can share mine." He grabs onto my hand and lifts himself out of the puddle we both fell into. "Doesn't that seem kinda pointless now that we're both soaked?" He laughs softly and nods. "Yeah, yeah that makes more sense. Fuck it." He tosses the umbrella aside and jumps in the puddle, managing to completely soak the rest of himself and me. "Name's Eddie, Eddie Munson." He offers his hand smiling wildly at me. His hair is long, and now sticking to his face in long dripping curls. "I'm Steve Harrington." I shake his hand and link arms, walking proudly into school dripping rain water all over the hall. School didn't seem scary anymore after that. I made a friend. 

From that moment, we were inseparable. We had sleepovers, rotating houses each weekend. He taught me how to skateboard, I taught him how to swim. He taught me how to play the guitar, I taught him how to play the piano. He was my best friend. 

Until 8th grade. 

I had my first real girlfriend, Eddie got weirdly jealous. I was spending more time with her, we held hands in the hallway, passed notes between classes. She was cute, and she did unfortunately take a lot of my attention. I didn't think anything of it. I didn't know that Eddie would feel betrayed. Not until I invited him over to have a sleepover when my parents were out of town, and he told me no. He told me if I wanted to be his friend I had to break up with her. And I didn't want to, I didn't understand. So we stopped talking. 

He stopped smiling at me in the hallway. Stopped drawing me pictures. Stopped calling me. Stopped everything. It's like I didn't exist anymore. Like we didn't share secrets, like he never knew that my parents left me alone all the time now. Like I didn't know he had to move out of his parents house in with his uncle Wayne, after his dad one night in a fit of rage shaved his head, calling him a queer, and gave him a black eye.