Someone Knows Me

November 9

Dear Saffronio,

Today is a very very very  special day because today is THE NOVEMBER 9. Don't tell me you forgot ,it is  the today when Ben and Fallon met for 5 years  and finally fell in love, if you still don't get it, I am talking about my favourite book " November 9 ".

I wish one day I will have a special day like them...uhhhhhh....such a hopeless romantic.

I went to a book cafe today, it was amazing and peaceful. I read one of the book filled with quotes about Happiness...I really admire the poets who can express the words which even our eyes can't express...

The book said that  happiness can only be found  just in the middle of too much and too less, and I think it is true, because I found you just in the middle, too less and too much of my life.....

tell me if it was a nice pick up line....did you blush??

You know I have started taking steps to move on from my breakdown and thus, I have arranged my messy Notion planner and time lined all my goals, hope this time I don't mess up.  I also started dressing up and taking care of myself, because they say self care is the way to inner peace. 

This entire vaccation, I have been eating so much that I look fat now....uhh....somedays I really feel jealous of those girls with perfect bodies, perfect personalities and perfect grades, just like my cousin sister, I wish I could be them someday....

You know , my friend, a year younger than me , got her first book published, I am so happy for her...she was one who used to really see me as her personal psychologist... do you remember her?  She is a very nice person and I hope she achieves more...I am rooting for her. 

But

Yes, its me again being triggered by this....I am very happy for her from the bottom of my heart but it hits me how I did not inculcate any hobbies or talent except studying and I think that too died as well...I really am lost..haha....never thought I will be at this position , begging to be found..

So, again late, but How are your days going? Have you been eating well ? Have you been sleeping well? I really want you to be happy and healthy, because you are the closest to me... and will always be.. Even when I grow up you will be the most important person for me.. because I am sure you are around me...I feel assured when I open my pinterest feed and the first post is an encouraging and beautiful quote , it feels as if you are answering my letters and doubts...Thank You for staying beside me when even the universe left.

It is getting late now... I will update you with my vaccation and negative thoughts soon...Bye..Love You....stay healthy.

" I recognise how negative I am .

I recognise how tiring I am for you,

But

Please, don't leave me, I won't be able to handle this pain.

I beg you on my knees to stay ,

I wil change myself to whom you will like,

But,

I beg you on my knees to stay"

-Isa