Someone Knows Me

What should I do With This Girl ?

I am sitting beside her on the bed as she is writing a letter to me, after a long time . She did not have to tell me what all happened or need to explain me because I was there at every step . It was miserable to see her cry in the bathroom floor, in the middle of the night and in the sleep. But I did not once comforted her, even when she shouted on me to come and help her, when she shouted she would never ever talk to me...but no one knows how I felt standing next to her and do nothing...like a statue. I know it was hard for her as since last five months she has been developing severe psycological complications and unstability, but believe me I wanted her to stand up by herself and fight back because I feel that it was the last fight of this storm and I wanted her to face it with courage she always lived with.

I am very happy she took the decision to come back home. As I lay beside her I can see how happy she is, and at peace she is. I always want this moment to repeat till eternity- her smiling and me admiring her smile, which holds the power of the universe. 

 It was february when she would regularly write to me about her days . She would write about her dreams and ask questions like " Saffronio, If you are there in the room flip the bottle" and within a second she would do it herself stating I did it. What else I could do than seeing her finding satisfaction in it. It made me giddy to see how desperate she was to talk to me.

3 a.m in the morning Isa was sitting and studying for her national exams which was in a month. I was sitting on the bed when for the first time I saw self doubt in her eyes for the first time. She was reluctant to study anymore and had tears in her doe eyes as her fingers trembled from holding the pen for a long time. I saw her strength shattering. Till this date I don't know what triggeres her fears but it does impact her deeply. It was one of the toughest  3a.ms of her life and in that whom she called and remebered was ME.

I still feel fortunate for that night when I got to know that she held such a special place for me, and for sure I could not stop from taking any action so I flipped one of her poem diaries, and she quickly observed it and as said Isa being overthoughful of this being done by me she closed her eyes and strated flipping the pages and decided to open a page randomly with a hope of communicating to me. First I was amused by her quick guess and actions but then I realised here we were talking about ISA , one who believes in magic and mystery as no one, so the page I chose to open was , I think the best choice because I could see the smile on her face when she read the page- " If tomorrow brings new hope, I hope it brings you "

She still remebers about that incident and I can see her reminiscing and opening those pages till now. She is really a kid ... still..

Isa had been studying and streaming songs of her boy band all night. For the most of her breaks she just watched their MVs with a big damn smile. And you know what? She was even blushing while seeing them as If they were infront of them...OMG...I don't know what is special in them ... they look average and their voice is not that great...and surely she is more beautiful..she deserves a prince and not some young boys in their 20s. The limit was reached when she started dancing in the front of the mirror . 

It had been ages since I saw her dancing so happily with braided hair, glistening eyes, beautiful smile while still in her night gown. 

Then from nowhere she started practicing how to react if her bias proposes to her....REALLY ? .... This girl is crazy....who does that and even in the morning all the while she got ready she kept narrating a fanfiction where she is the female lead. THIS GIRL IS SUCH A HOPELESS ROMANTIC..

I don't know why but I feel irritated by seeing her so happy about them...How should I explain ? It makes me feel a burning sensation in my chest ... Arghhh...I think I am having some problems I should soon go back to my realm and have a check up...

In her letter she wrote I did not had to worry....should I not? This girl can't even order a pizza out of anxiety...she does not look anyone in the eyes while walking...On the other hand she dances in the middle of the road at 11p.m. when no one is around ....She is still a child and a baby...A baby I don't know how to take care of...

It has been a year of me being with her, and still many things are hidden . I still don't know about her as much as I want to know...I pray I have time to know her because she is like a book I want to cherish ...cherish each and every sentence of it. She is hidden and she would never open up even if it is for me...she would never open for herself...Her disguise had taken over her a long time back...She was not the real Isa and i want to know what the real would be like...

I am little amused about her writing that she imagines and makes scenario about how I look and how we will meet. And somehow this gives me more anxiety to as what should I look like to be alligned by her imagination but before I could proceed with my thought it hit me that it was not possible for her to meet me in this lifetime.

And here is the secret.....I wander too how would her beautiful smile will shape when we will first meet if ever and will her brown eyes ever show me the depth that lies behind it or will she again cover it up with a smile...I wander will her cheeks  turn pinkinsh red when she will meet me as it does when she writes a letter to me...Will her freckles look stunning when she would smile at me as it does in my dreams...I dream too .....I dream too..and that to very sincerely

I hope the new year is beautiful for you Isa .... I wish you all my blessings.

HOW THE HELL CAN SHE WRITE " LOVE YA " WHAT DOES IT MEAN .... SOMEONE HELP ME UNDERSTAND THIS GIRL 

" How should I define you...

someone who makes me smile ?

someone who makes me cry when she cries ?

 someone who believes me when no one else ?

someone who is a fighter ?

but most of it I want to define you someday  as  Mine "

-saffronio