Someone Knows Me

December 31

Hii...

........Saffronio.....I have so many things to tell you. So many things happened in the past one month, and that's why I could not write, I was very disturbed.

I don't know where to start but let me just tell you that I shifted back home two days back with my family. I know it was just 4-5 months in the new city and I already shifted back . It is just that I felt suffocated there as if I would die...so seeing my condition my dad asked me to shift back and assured me that it was okay to take a wrong decision and regret...But somewhere I still feel very guilty yet at peace when I am lying on my bed as I am writing this letter to you. 

Sometimes I am very grateful of my parents to support me and feel sad for them that they got a daughter like me...I am not a good daughter , I know but I will not loose willingness to try it.

It's almost the end of the ear. The ear was a rollercoaster-where I was at my highest and also at my lowest but I believe that it will all work out. I am more relaxed back at home. I hope the storm is over, because I don't have enough strength to fight back anymore.

I know it is shameful of me to create a chaos and then runaway from difficulties but here is the secret...I was not able to bear it and if I had tried one more time I would have been crushed.

My mental stability is still questionable . I have adapted high social anxiety, bipolar behaviors and guilt but with all this I am willing to work on myself. I am willing to improve myself. 

Let's just talk about you...How have you been? You know I missed you so much when I was in need I wish you could just be there...even I found no signs and clues on pinterest when I called you. For a second I thought you left me, because I was a burden and negative person with so much drama filled inside me.

Let's leave these painful memories back and let me tell you that I had been streaming my favourite boy band's songs all night yesterday and I still can't get over them...They are so freakig handsome, talented, cute , humble and what not...If I could I would have kidnapped them and sealed them in my heart...that is harsh , right? being a fangirl. You are head over heels for them while they don't even know your existence...

I am happy atleast you are by my side, listening to my crap, making me smile with just the thought of you and giving me so much space to imagine how you look and what it would be like when I would first meet you... I hope it is soon...

Take care of yourself ... eat properly....and take rest....you don't have to worry, your Isa is a STRONG GIRL and also a GROWN UP A GIRL. I can deal with anything.

Love ya..

" The life is uncertain ahead,

and for the first time in a long time I am certain .

I don't know if it is home or me rather I feel it's you 

maybe It's your presence beside me which assures me of a better life ahead " 

-Isa