Smiling through the pain

Chapter Eighteen

*Nate's POV*

The dull thump of my guitar case against my back accompanies me as I drag myself towards Kade's apartment. It's my go to place for sulking when I lose my temper. In an attempt to distract myself, I scroll through the playlists on my phone, trying to find something that's worth listening to. I pause when I reach the playlist. It used to be one of my favorites. 

nukes and nite's PBJ on a Sunday!

The cover is a highly saturated picture of SpongeBob blowing a raspberry while bubbles float around him.  It contained all the songs that we loved- Wreaking Ball, Kids, Blank Space, Brandy (You're a Fine Girl). My insides squirmed and tightened uncomfortably as my fingers hover over the playlist. Just one tap. 

But my anger simmers dully remembering the words we exchanged. I exhale loudly as I turn the corner and head down the street. No point in listening now. I shove my phone into the depths of my pockets as I near the apartment. I zero in on a girl sitting on the front steps tapping away on her phone. As I near the stairs, I take a good long look at her  bronze hair. The extra short skirt and corseted top with stilettoes. That's when it clicks. I can't deal with this shit right now.

I pull my baseball cap low over my eyes and turn around. Please don't look at me. Please don't look at me. Plea-

"Omg! Nate!"

I let out an awkward chuckle as I turn around. "Hi!" she whines as she walks up to me, her heels clicking on the pavement. Please don't be who I think you are...

"Uh....hi" 

"Come here!" she exclaims while giving me peck on the cheek and clinging onto my arm like a sloth. My skin squirms as I try to free myself from her manicured talons. I get pissed when she grips my chin and turns my face towards her face. "Aww" she coos. Yeah right aw. My face has a ton of new scratches. 

"Look....I don't remember who you are. Can you let me go?" I hiss. The happy look on her face melts off. "You don't remember me?" she says in a small voice. Ugh. "No I don't. Let me go"

She lets go of my arm and takes a step back. "Saturday night?" she tries after an awkward silence. I don't remember what I ate for lunch, forget Saturday night. "The party in Harlem?" she presses. I shrug. My patience starts to wear out when she huffs and stomps her foot. "We made out near the jacuzzi!" 

Still have no fucking clue. "I'm going to go" I mutter and start walking before I explode all over again. "I thought you loved me!" she screeches just as I'm about to open the door. I take a deep breath to calm myself down before I turn around to face her. Mascara mixed with fat tears roll down her cheeks. 

"Just because I had sex with you twice doesn't mean I love you" _____________________________

"Hey Nox" I whisper when he climbs onto my chest and meows. I swear this cat knows when I feel like shit. 

"I yelled at someone. Again" 

Nox looks at me with his huge grey eyes, willing me to continue. "You know Nike? The girl who lives across us? I told her really mean things"

"Why do you have to be so difficult?" 

"Why do you have to be so pissed at me all the time huh?"

"Don't ask a question back at me!"

Nike scoffs at my answer and chuckles. A dark chuckle. "You want me to tell you why I'm so difficult? You really want to know?" she asks, biting the inside of her cheek. "Quit stalling" I growl. 

"IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU!" she yells pushing me into a wall. "You left me when I was all alone. Did you ask me how I was doing? No. Did you notice the house across the street go empty in a few months? Did you notice I never came back? You knew my parents died. Did you come to their funeral? After they let you stay over every time your parents fought-"

All I can see is red. A strong bloody red. 

"Don't bring my parents into this! What was I supposed to do? Be grateful to you and your oh so saint-like parents?"

"Don't you dare say another word about them" she whispers in a frighteningly low tone. 

 "And that stunt you pulled at that party? Kissing me in front of my first girlfriend. Everyone called you a needy bitch after that. I  didn't even want to be friends with you after that"

"Oh, I'm sorry for fucking up your perfect relationship with- I don't even care right now. You got a bunch of new girlfriends to fuck when you came here, didn't you?"

"I moved on. It's your problem that you're stuck in the past, waiting for me!"

"I didn't wait for you Nate. I just wanted someone to tell me everything will be fine again!"

My anger starts to fade when I realize what she meant. Her eyes pool with unshed tears. "I just wanted to be happy again" she muttered. It hurts to see her like this. So hurt. 

"Nukes, I-"

"Don't call me that"  she mumbles as she walks backwards towards the door. I want to hug her so badly. Tell her I'm sorry. "Nike-"

"I hate you Nathaniel. I hate you from the core of every fucking cell" 

The monster inside me roars in anger. I don't care about her at all. Why should I? She hates me anyway. I don't know her anymore. 

"I hate you too"

I choke back a sob remembering the crestfallen look on her face. 

"I'm so mean Nox"

Nox cuddles in the crook of my neck when I let out a sniffle. I palm the tears out of my eyes and stare at the ceiling. I bottle up the sadness for later. I stare the setting sun turns the ceiling orange along with the light from the lamppost. How ironic; I don't feel orange at all. 

"Let's listen to some music" I croak and slowly pull my phone out without disturbing Nox. I connect it to the speakers and find our playlist. I hit play. 

The familiar tune of Kids by MGMT fills the room. It hurts to listen to it but it hurts in a good way.

I wish I could take back whatever I said. 

******************************************

ONE MORE!!

Pretty intense chapter. I've been sick for the past few days but I'm fine now! I didn't go to school though  :D

(even though I was feeling pitch perfect. Fr tho everyone needs a break from school to just sit and do nothing. It's mood)

SMILING THROUGH THE PAIN IS #2 UNDER SCHIZOPHRENIA!!!

A BIG SHOUTOUT FOR ALL THOSE WHO VOTED <333333

mInDy