𝙸 𝙲𝚊𝚗'𝚝 𝙲𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚜

𝚂𝟸𝙴𝟷𝟹: 𝙿𝚒𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚜 𝚃𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚜 𝙸𝚗𝚝𝚘 𝙿𝚒𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚜

Part I of The Post-Finals Paintball Crisis

Inspired by Community S2E23: "A Fistful of Paintballs."

Piper POV

"Somebody help! Anybody, please!" The delicate pitter-patter of Crocs against the tile floor of the environmental science wing can only be Katie Gardner. She's too soft for this lifestyle. Yes, it's a lifestyle. It hasn't been a game in a long time.

The figure behind the filing cabinet raises her gun at the tormenters who've cornered poor defenseless Katie.

"Hey there, boys," the mysterious person coos because that's how you talk when you're dressed like a pirate.

Ellis and Mark turn around cartoonishly fast, scrambling for their guns, but their faces say it all: the situation is hopeless. The executive board members of the Mars coed fraternity are about to fall victim to Piper McLean.

"Please, no!" Ellis shouts.

"I'll shoot myself in the foot!" Mark hollers, surely alerting more paintballers of their location.

"Sorry," says Piper. She looks down the barrel of her gun—a perfect shot. "I don't do handouts."

"Ah!"

"No!"

Mark and Ellis fall to the ground, revealing a shivering Katie Gardner, who probably never wanted to play this game in the first place.

"You're tough, Katie," Piper says.

"I never wanted to play this game," she says, her voice surprisingly unwavering.

Piper fixes her mask. "None of us did. Now get out of here."

"I don't want to play anymore. Piper, please..." Katie can be scary when she wants to be. Piper's seen her dragging the Stoll brothers by the ears more times than she can count on one hand, but this is a whole new Katie, one that has fallen victim to the paintball dystopia, sponsored by Flex Seal.

"Do you care for those shoes?" Piper asks.

Katie sticks out her foot. "They're only my fifth favorite pair of Crocs."

"I'd say see ya on the other side, but I'm gonna win this thing." With a push of a trigger, paint the same color as Katie's Croc coats the shoe, the floor, and the bottom of her grass-stained sock.

Just around the bend, past the ceramics classroom, across from a row of quiet independent study bubbles is where the camp is set up. Members of what used to be a study group eat instant macaroni and cheese out of pinch pots and other forgotten art projects. Jason and Annabeth try to mark enemy camps and traps on a rushed drawing of campus. Percy's spirits are broken—he hasn't had much to say since this morning. God, was that only this morning?

"Anything?" Leo asks.

Piper shakes her head. "I'm sorry, guys. All I did was manage to take out Mark and Ellis." She decides not to mention Katie. It's tragic that someone would give up such a prize, but the situation looks helpless. Seemingly permanent alliances have settled in seemingly permanent hiding spots. Why wouldn't Katie give up the prize for a chance to go home, take a bath, and eat... well, the same food Piper's eating now, except maybe out of some actual dishes?

"We have to find her," says Jason, "before someone else does."

Percy swallows a bite of burnt Kraft mac-and-cheese. "How long has it been?"