I Did It For me

A Distraction

Jul. 2024
It was the end of summer, the time where I would be packing my bag full of school supplies instead of tools I would need to get through a day at work. I was unexpectedly looking forward to going to school again. It was the reason behind this that was unusual, I was looking forward to interacting with him again. Our rivalry had helped make my successes even more worth the praise, it was especially rewarding whenever I had done better than him in something. I knew when I entered the doors to the school, the competition would consume me immediately.

And I couldn't wait for that feeling.

- 1.9.21 -

Sept. 2024
The competition had been moving smoothly, the rivalry continuing to be the drug that kept me going. It was all going so well, at least I thought it was. It was all ruined when she arrived. When she came, all of his attention was on her, and not on our rivalry. The rivalry which bolstered my confidence, which made me advance faster to be number one. But now, his attitude towards her has confused me. The time he would spend trying to beat me was now used helping her. It was like he no longer saw me, it was only her. No matter how hard I tried, I could not understand what was happening.

Whenever he would start to compete with me again, it was like she would drag him away. It was like his body's immediate response to ignore everything when she wanted his attention. When it became obvious I was losing my longtime rival, I did not have to feign disappointment when he became visibly aware of how badly I had been beating him. He was so busy being enthralled by the appearance of this new girl that he became negligent with his studies. But I was also losing my linear focus on my work, being too consumed with a negative emotion because of the attention that was no longer being given to me.

I hated her.

- 1.9.21 -