Catharsis || Jungkook

12

My arms were clasped on my chest when I feel the grip around myself loosening a little until it is tight again. I'm visibly shivering. The breath that I am exhaling, is coming out of my mouth.  I'm on the verge of crying, I don't want to. More than that I don't want show any symptoms of my panic. I can't show him my weakness. She shouldn't know. I shouldn't be able to take advantage of me.

In my surprise I realise my arms are being caressed, not pinned with the bed. The breath on my neck is not out of lust, it's comforting. The back hug is engulfing me into a warm cozy embrace. What is this?? What kind of feeling is this?? Lunisolace?? Was my life a nightmare or this is just a too good dream to be true??

"It's ok..sshhh.. you are safe", A whisper lands on my ear. The sense of security kicks back as I stop breathing hard and finally open my eyes only to find a pair of glossy eyes looking deep into my soul as if it is trying to rip my heart apart and dig out all the secrets I've been hiding.

My heart skipped a beat when he suddenly leans. I thought it will be something disgusting as it always feels when I imagine myself being claimed by someone. But the soft warm lip lands on my forehead and stays. It stays for don't know how long but I count the heartbeat again my back beating for 127 times. I don't know when my hands or my whole body eased. I don't know when he parted his lips from my forehead but I surely felt empty when he did.

"You know you can always ask for help when it's too hard to suffer alone. you said this to me yesterday", Jungkook says. Yes it's Jungkook, who agreed to be his wife's just friend, who made is clear that he won't ever force his wife into anything. His wife is me, me is his wife.

"Is it that hard to open up?", He asks again. He surely read my face too well. And yes it is hard. It is definitely hard to talk about it when it's my husband who is asking. I can't but just stare into his doe eyes who are silently screaming for answers.

He heaves a sigh as his head drops behind me and now I can't see his face, not like I'll dare to look.

"It's fine... Just... Just don't get scared of me", I could hear him gulp. His hand reachs my hair and starts stroking his fingers over it. "And no matter what you are afraid of talking about I'll still be there to hear it out and support".

It's new.. it's totally new. It maybe first time in my life someone who is my family now, is talking about support. I have always been directly, indirectly asked or forced to support my family. But never got it in return. Maybe because I never really asked for it.

"Sleep", he plants a kiss in my hair. Why does he seem to be too comfortable to kiss me here and there today?

Sleep? What's that? I can't sleep in this situation, definitely not when my mind is in chaos.

"Can you sing for me?", I dare.

Instead of denying he askes what song I want to listen

"That one you were humming for days".

Jungkook started without any hesitation. His voice is something that can hypnotise a wolf, it can put a monster in a deep slumber. But I stayed up, I stayed up to listen the minute details about the lyrics but the only thing stayed within me when he hummed more than 3 times... Please you stay alive..... He whispered the last time as if he would cry if I turn around and reply to his hug. So I decided to stay in my position. Soon he is snoring snuggling on my crook.

      
Everything is moving too fast. But why am I not bothered about that? If everything goes this fast then I fear that the end will be near faster than usual. It makes me anxious. It looks like I'm talking against myself but it is what it is. I get anxious thinking about why I'm not getting anxious.