Catharsis || Jungkook

23

Y/n's POV

The moments of my 'not thinking at all', my subconscious mind imagined him yelling at me, walking away or pushing me away. I thought he will burst into emotions, he will say I should have been protested. I thought I'll end up being a loner again.

But here he is kneeling infront of me, holding my hands, wanting me to tell him how I want him to be with me.

Boy it should not be you to ask this. Even if it's you, you shouldn't be kneeling infront of me. I don't even deserve you. I don't deserve a single bit of you.

Still I want to say..

I want to say, "if you want to keep me then just don't say about anything and just keep reminding me that I'm living. Keep reminding me why I should be breathing. Make me feel cherished with your touch. Make me burst into tears because I haven't cried for ages. Make me become feminine from heart. I'm tired of being a warrior. Make me melt into Rapunzel from Mulan. Make me melt into Moana from Elsa. I'm tired of responsibilities. I'm tired of hiding my true self. Lastly, say you love me without saying 'I love you'...".

I say nothing of this. Why?

Because I'm still masculine in heart. I still don't know how to be soft for myself. It feels embarassing. But he is expecting a answer right?

"I can't-"... Fuck FuCk FUCK. My voice will break if I talk. I can't talk. I don't want it. His- his eyes are too heart melting.

I wanted to make it a punch line. I wanted to say 'I can't ask for more than what you have already done for me'.

I CAN'T EVEN BE SERIOUS IN SERIOUS MOMENTS.

I see him standing up. I see him pulling me in. I see his chest. I see nothing. I just feel his hand caressing my hair. I feel his chin on my crown.

Hold damn on...
Is he hugging me?

"It's ok. You can talk freely"

Yes.. ok.. Ok. Let's say I want to say it now.

"I'm a escaper Jungkook. Though I stay physically where I don't feel like staying but my soul runs away faster than my legs could ever run. It never comes to the same place. Because I'm too loyal to break through a tie on my own, no matter how painful it is to stay. Yet too rational to expect anything. If you ever See me walking away, you have to do nothing but hold me tight before I disappear. Run after me or make me run back to you instead of just standing still like you did last two times. Make me feel normal with normal things between partners. Make me be frank with you".

I don't know if he heard everything or not because my voice is literally coming out muffled for the way he held me so tight. My lips are rubbing on the fabric of his shirt.

"I'll do my best".

I hear his chest vibrating. The fact that my ears are 2 inches down from where his heart is beating. Even his heart beats with a rhythm.

My hands twitch to snake around his slim waist but I could only dare to hold his arms.

The hugs lasts.. it lasts long with occasional kisses on my crown and continues grazing in my hair. It's oddly satisfying.

But sadly it doesn't last for any longer. He breaks it and asks looking deep into my eyes, "Does it mean I can attempt to be your husband from now on?" Strangely his orbs hold a glimmer of hope.

"You Are my husband", I chuckle.

"Not this casual husband".

"Then what?"