Ash x Goh - JourneyShipping / FirstFriendShipping / Satogou

Part Seven!

(This one has a light trigger warning, there will be a place where it will tell you right before it though- just look for parentheses. I love all my readers, and want them to stay safe!)

Goh POV

I looked at her, dumbfounded.

I hadn't expected her to agree.

I blinked several times, and said, "Excuse me, what?" She laughed, and started rifling through my wardrobe. "I said, yes, you should ask him out!" I twiddled my thumbs and whispered, "But I kinda wanted it the other way around..."

She stopped, and turned around. "Why didn't you say so? If you want him to ask you out, just be patient."

I sighed. "Yeah, I knew that."

Chloe came over to me, and brushed my jacket sleeve with a hand. "You know, you really need to wash this-"

I protested, yanking my arm away, and she retaliated. "Hey, I know you don't have any other jackets, but you do need to wash it. "

I hugged my arms to my sides. "What if he sees?"

"What, your bare arms?" I shook my head, and her face fell.

"Oh. Well, here. Let's make a compromise. I'll look for a jacket you can borrow, and you'll wash that one, okay?"

(WARNING: MENTIONS OF SELF HARM)

I nodded, my face cast to the floor. No one but Chloe knew about why I always hid my arms with a jacket. I had long stopped, but the little white lines of scars were still painfully visible.

They were even more prominent because of my darker skin tone.

I stopped Chloe before she could leave the room. I took off my hoodie, and handed it to her, my arms hugged to my sides. "Here, just... go wash it. Don't let Ash in here."

She nodded, and took the jacket. I sat there in the warm light of the room, and stared at my wrists.

(TWT THAT WAS SO SAD TO WRITE)

ASH POVVVVVVV

I saw Chloe come back down the stairs, holding Goh's hoodie in her arms. "What are you doing with that?" I asked, pointing at it.

"I'm going to wash it. Goh wanted a little time to himself, so I suggest you don't go and bother him, okay?"

I blinked, and said, "Uhmmm... Okay?" Wouldn't he have told me he wanted time alone, instead of asking Chloe to do it for him?

As soon as Chloe was gone, I bolted up the stairs, and knocked on the guest room door.

"Hey, Goh?" I called, pressing my ear to the door. I heard him whisper, "C'mon Chloe..." and heard his soft footsteps.

He opened the door a little, and I saw he had a blanket draped over his shoulders, hiding his arms from view. "Hey." He whispered.

"What's wrong? Chloe told me you wanted alone time, but I was kinda wondering why..."

He sighed, and opened the door all the way. I had been incorrect, he didn't have a blanket draped over his shoulders, he had put on a long-sleeve shirt.

"It's nothing, Ash. You can come in now."

I did, and looked at his arms. "Why'd you put a longsleeve shirt on? You never wear those, you said they irritate your neck or something."

He smiled faintly. "I was waiting for Chloe to wash my hoodie."

I laughed. "Are you that cold? I can turn up the heat-" He protested loudly, and said, "No, no! You don't have to do that!" Goh hugged his arms to his sides. He whispered, "I'm actually really hot..."

I put my hand on his shoulder. "Then why don't you just... change the shirt?" Goh shook his head, and didn't meet my eyes. I crouched down, so his eyes that were on the floor would lock on mine. "Hey, is there something you're not telling me?"

He violently shook his head, and the fact that he wouldn't look at me made me doubt he was telling the truth. While he had his back turned, I pulled the shirt over his head, whilst he screamed- quite dramatically might I add.

Then I tossed the shirt on the bed, and grabbed him before he could dive for it. "ASH!" He yelled, trying to break free.

"There's something you're not telling me, and I want to know what it is." I said, my eyes pleading.

He shook his head, and I let him go, but he didn't go back for the shirt. He hugged his arms to his sides again. He was doing a lot of that.

When he looked at me again, tears were streaming down his face. "Goh, please tell me what's wrong..." I whispered, hugging him, forgetting he had no shirt on. He still refused to look at me.

I put my hand under his chin and forced him to look at me. "Goh." I murmured, my voice cracking. I was about to cry too.

Goh took a deep, shaky breath, and held out his wrists. I looked down at them- they were probably the source of his silence.

Little pencil-like scratches- no, scars- were lined perfectly across both of his wrists, and down his arms, too many to count.

I looked at them for a second, and said, "Did you... have a Meowth, or Purrloin, or Skitty? Did they scratch you?"

I quickly amended the statement. "No, wait. Those are too neat to be Pokemon scratches. What happened?"

Goh laughed lightly, and cried even more. He walked over to the bed, and under it was a box.

(MORE WARNING THIS IS SO SAD BUT IT'S .... JUST... TWT)

Inside was a pocketknife. He opened it, and motioned cutting something, but the knife was just barely above his arm.

"Those were knife cuts? Who..."

He shook his head, and pointed at himself- thankfully not with the knife- and whispered, "It was me. I did it to myself. I- ... I ..." He broke down, the knife slipping out of his hand and hitting the floor, the blade catching on the light.

I picked up the knife and set it gently on the table, and held him. I sank to the floor when he did, and we cried together. I knew what it meant now.

I never knew about his mental state. How? How was I so dense to not know this was happening? Oh, wait...

He was talking again.

"... and I haven't done it for a while... but it was done in the past. I didn't want you to know... I just... didn't."

I buried my face in his neck, and whispered, my voice catching, "You can tell me anything. Anything at all."

We were still crying together when Chloe came back with Goh's hoodie.