helena's motel room

im cold

i loved the emptiness the morning gave my stomach.
to wake up, roll around with the sun beaming through my window.
then to stand up, lift my shirt up slightly exposing my stomach.
obsessive about the flattering flatness i woke up with.
craving anything inedible to start the day.
after my 5 minutes of thinness is over, and the model dreams fell out of the window i grab the xxl jumper near me, and cover up.
'i'm cold' i'll say.
'i feel fat' i'll never say out loud.
that evening i'm so excited to wake up, i can't sleep.
my stomach bloats with guilt in the night, inching to the morning.
just to wake up and have my moment of sunshine with my body.
just to be washed down the morning sink soon.