Pale Blue Love

A Crack On The Wall

   Saturday came around, I had spoken with him on the phone the days following up to that day. Everyday seemed to be fit for an argument relating the small stuff. I remember waking up excited, I would get to see him, be around him. But when Carlos and I got to his building and picked him up, he was angry. He had his mind set on not letting me assist. For the first time he was showing me a glimpse of what was to come. 

   He began walking quickly. For some time, my brother and I had to jog to catch up to him. My asthma begun to bug me half way through the walk. The brisk cold air made it harder to breathe. I was sure I would pass out. But they made an unexpected stop. They picked up one of their friends, and then resumed the killer walk up a very steep hill through mountains of snow. 

   I only had a very small faux leather jacket, a sweater and a scarf to keep me warm, I was freezing. I looked up and begged them to slow down. They all looked back at me and told me that if I wanted to be part of cadets I had to learn how to keep up. 

   When we arrived, Mrs. L rushed over to me. She quickly sat me down and handed me a bottle of water. Her face scared me, but it was only because my appearance was scaring her. I was pale, out of breath and weak. She saved me that day. She took care of me and made sure I was feeling all better. Then she took her time to chew out the boys for not slowing down or helping me. My brother seemed to understand, but he and his friend, they smirked and seemed bothered. I mean, I understand being bothered for getting their attention called. But, why smirk? 

That day was just the tip of the iceberg, there was so much more covered behind those eyes and smile. So much so, that I would one day regret ever stumbling upon them. 

   That day, I met Roslyn. We spoke and I quickly noticed that she was following me around and asking me many personal questions. I thought that she had just taken a liking. But one question proved me wrong. 

   "You're HIS girlfriend? Since when? For how long?" I already knew what had provoked the query. Even her eyes gave her away. 

   I have always been one to silently study people; their movements, the way they speak and act. For a 14-year-old, she was very mature. She knew more about life than I did, although I was 4 years her senior. 

   When the end of the day came, I begun to walk out of the school building with my brother and him, they wanted to grab some food at a nearby McDonald's with their friends. I tagged along as I did not know my way back home. We enjoyed a nice time together, laughing and joking. He was so happy; I had never seen him so cheerful. That was until we left the fast-food restaurant. 

    One of the cadet boys, Robinson, stopped him and I to ask for my name and age. He was only trying to familiarize with me. upon hearing me reply to the question, he pushed me with force away from him. I hit the corner exterior walls of the McDonald's. Just a second before we were cuddling in his large camo vest. And now, in no time at all I was thrown against a wall. 

   "This is exactly why I told you I didn't want you coming here. Now I have to deal with this bullshit here too. The only place I get a break from us and school." 

   He walked away while cursing out the wind and showing his fist to the dark sky. The other guys followed him questioning what had just happened. Just like me they were confused.

   I walked behind him asking him to stop. "We can talk it out." All I wanted was to understand his view point. But he refused to stop. He left my brother and I alone that night. He took the bus to his home. 

   When I got home, I called his phone, but he did not answer. I don't remember how many times I must've called, but I do recall how defeated and hopeless I felt at the end. I hated going to bed without resolving our issues. The next day rolled around, and he was still not answering.