Pale Blue Love

Nicole

   The ending of March came with a gift wrapped in many bows. I got a request on Facebook from a Nicole. I knew this Nicole, not personally, but I had heard him speak of her. She was Perez's sister, the cadet friend we picked up before. He would always tense up whenever her name was brought up around me. My radars would always pick his signals up, my gut knew the answer already. I was only waiting for the confirmation.

  I accepted her friend request, and from a request to a phone call that just never seemed to end. A three-way call, Nicole muted as I asked him about her. He denied it all, only to come clean once she unmuted herself. He cried; he begged me not to leave him while confessing his love for her. 

"You love her but you don't want me to leave you?" I remember asking him not being able to grasp his claim. 

"I've known her since we were little, so of course I love her. But I love you more because you are my baby, the love of my life."  

   How could I be the love of his life? I don't believe anyone who loves someone would do such thing. Does he really mean it? I thought to myself. 

"I don't think you do. I don't see how this will keep working out. Everyone was right when they said you'd do this to me."  I guess that was the wrong thing to say. I could not see him but my mind painted him perfectly by listening to his tone and speech. 

"You think I wanted to do this? You think that I was just open to have sex with her? I would never just do that without being given a reason to. The way you've been acting lately made me feel like you were losing interest in me. I had to go find someone new. I thought you did not want me anymore." 

   I was baffled. How could he have thought that? How was I acting? What had I done? All I ever did was stay with someone that showed little to no affection towards me. I had even begun believing that he only wanted me around for sex. But he denied it plenty of times. How could this be my fault? I was only changing to fit his mold.

"My fault? You are making no sense. While you took a nap Nicole and I spoke, do you know what she told me? That you told her that we were not together anymore and that you have always wanted to be with her. And this was months before the break. So cut me some slack."

   He was quiet, then he asked for forgiveness once more. I remember hanging up and receiving a call from him shortly after. He was crying, he begged me to stay together. Our conversation took hours to come to an end. He promised he would be better. I listened and I made the decision to stay. Up until this day Nicole and I remain acquainted. 

   Nicole was so young; she had recently turned 14 back in December of 2010. I felt my heart break for her as she cried her heart out over the phone to me. She really did love him; he was her first everything. He took her virginity as a grand prize without considering her emotions. I began to believe that if he was able to do such thing to someone he grew up with, there was nothing he wouldn't do to me.

  The following weeks he was the perfect boyfriend. But that was all just an act the puppeteer had put up to keep me entertained. There was so much more to come. Greater pain, worse treatments. It all would happen one after the other.