Relapse Like Hell

Lies Are Rolling Off My Tongue

POV: Vance TW: Drugs, not eating, self hatred

'Ow, fuck!' I think and I sit up scratching my neck. 'What the fuck happened. Oh.' Guilt runs through my mind and I feel like crying at my poor choices last night. I don't cry even though I can feel the tears picking at my eyes. I wipe my eyes, but don't think twice before quickly cheeking my pockets for the cocaine I know I brought last night.

I cheek both my pockets and don't know how to feel when there's nothing in them. My eyes widen as I get up as quick as I can with my ribs and back hurting like hell, I remember last night and think of how happy, how carefree I was. I wanna feel that again. I look at the ground and spot a little bag staring back at me. I pick it up.

I see a nearby park and basically run towards it. There are kids at the park but I could care less. This is the rich part of town and I don't even remember how I got here, but I'm guessing by running because my legs hurt like hell when I do a light jod towards the park.

I see an old lady holding a hardcover book and walk over to her.

"Um, excuse me," She looks at me and smiles. I'm surprised. "Are you new to town?" I ask, "Oh, no. I'm just visiting, what'd you say your name was, sweetheart?" I look at her face for a second before realising she's not joking, "Vance Hopper, miss" I put on my best good boy act on before asking. "May I use your book for just a minute?. There's a fly over at my bench and its annoying me, I just wanna use your book to swat it away.

"Oh, of course sweetheart." She puts the bookmark in her book and passes it to me, I smile at her for just a moment before walking away to a bench a little away from the playground bit of the park.

Once I reach the bench I had never even sat at I pretend to try to hit a fly. And why she's not looking I do three quick lines on the book before dusting the excess off with my palm and continuing to pretend hit a fly. I then walk back over to the lady whom gave me the book. "Thank you" I hate smiling, just got to keep the act up for a little while longer. "Of its fine, don't even worry about it, I needed a break from reading anyway". When I pass the book back I can tell she was lying because she spends no time getting back to reading whatever she was reading. She's so interested she doesn't even question when I don't walk back to the bench.

I walk and walk, still having no idea where I am. (Again I'm on the rich side of town and have clue where I am.) I walk past a town pool that I've never been to, only heard of from the popular kids at school. I then walk in till I see a laundry place I had to go to wash my clothes when me and my dad broke the old washing machine while fighting. He had slammed me into the machine so hard it stopped working.

I know where I am. I'm not close to home. its still almost a forty-five minute walk." As I keep walking a see a town hall and read the time, its probably one of the only useful things I've learnt while going to school my whole life, the clock reads 7:43 AM.I'm lucky its so early in the morning, I have to meet up with the boys at 9:30 AM to hangout.

As I'm halfway home I notice a certain house. Michael, Michael moved here at the peak of my addiction when he was getting clean from Alcohol. He only pissed in the fucking cup if I promised I try to get better. As I'm about to walk past I remember whose house I'm going to. Bruce's. His mum probably knows more about me then he does, she's going to know somethings wrong with me, even when I act even the slightest bit happy she drug tests me. I know she means good but it gets a little annoying. I walk up the steps and softly knock on the wooden door.

While I wait patiently for the door to open I think of what to say. 'I'm sorry I couldn't stay clean but can you piss in a cup for me? Also don't tell anyone, thanks' like that would just be an asshole move.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts as the door opens, and Michael reveals himself at the door looking happy as ever. I've been going to Michael's every week he helps me try to stay clean. His smile grows at the sight of me. "Hello, Vance. its not Friday yet, is it?" he seams not to sure of himself. "No its only Wednesday, I just wanted to see if we can talk?" I let one tear fall from my eye but hold the others in as I wipe it away.