Relapse Like Hell

You Did This To Me

POV: Vance

My eyes slowly open and for once I'm not blinded by the lights. I close my eyes again and try to happily fall back into the abyss, only something keeps me from falling, it keeps me on land. My eyes shot open, I move the fingers on my left hand and the pain of dried blood and deep cuts pulling at my dry skin is almost deathly. In front of me the sleeve of my jumper is covered in blood, no socked. I shot myself up and ignore the tiredness behind my eyes, I cant ignore the pain in my arm, specifically my wrist, its excruciating.

I slowly pull my sleeve back. The dried blood catching on the once fluffy inside of my jumper, it catches on the blood socked bandages wrapped around my wrists and scratches my skin. Memories from last night flood back to me like a tsunami. I cant sit and reminisce the past, I have to make sure my arm doesn't get infected or I end up bleeding out, unfortunately I didn't forget about passing out last night, I'm honestly surprised I even woke up. I sit up properly and put my arms behind my neck, pulling the disgusting blood socked jumper over my head, the sleeve of my jumper roughly tugs at the bandages on my wrists. I try to ignore the pain the erupts from my arm, but even that doesn't cover the guilt that spills though my veins. That in itself is worse then the pain of bleeding out.

I chuck the jumper across the room and it lands messily in the corner. I then stand up, stumbling across the room to the same box I used last night, the feeling of tiredness doesn't come from lack of sleep, it comes from all the blood I lost last night. Stumbling once again over to my bed, blurriness fights to over come my sight, I fight it back and after what feels like years I make it back over to my bed. When I sit the mattress sinks under my weight, I open the box and pull out clean soft bandages.

I dig my teeth into my soft pink bottom lip as I pull the red, once white bandages off my wrist. I bite down harder when the bandages stick to the dried blood and hairs on my arm. Some of the blood is still wet, dark and red, That means I'm still bleeding. I try not to focus on the deep, wide cuts, its hard, their really deep, at least and half a centimetre deep, some more, some less.

I don't bother cleaning the cuts, it'll hurt to much. I wrap white bandages messily around my wrists. It hurts when I pull the rough cotton to make it tighter, I continue biting my bottom lip in till I'm done and pull a clean, soft jumper over my shirtless chest, I struggle to catch my breath, not even realizing I had been holding it in.

I sit there and try regain my strength, once I feel like I'm a little bit better I quickly reach over to my bedside table to a bottle of pills, I open the bottle with little to no struggle and pour a couple of pills onto the bedside table, I then put a tissue over the pills and crush the pills into a fine, white powder. Pulling the tissue off the table I see a pile of white powder. I line the powder up into a line and block one of my nostrils before leaning down and snorting the powder, it feels weird, the soft, fine powder flying up my nose and to my brain.

I decide to stand up and get out of Robbie's house before it hits. I pull my converses on and stuff the bottle of pills in my pocket. There's no noise coming from the lounge room, only the sound of the TV lightly playing.

I freeze.

In front of me, my dad sleeps peacefully on the couch. My feet walk me slowly towards where my dad lays, curiosity dragging me closer. Out of the corner of my eye I see the same boys that go to my school, they were here last night.

I stare at my dad for a second before walking towards the front door, my heart beats back to life, I fiddle with the lock, but. "Vance?" I turn around slowly, where my dad sits up looking at me. His eyes cant seem to control where they go, they roll to the back of his head before finding their way back. I slowly walk over to him. My dad stands himself up and puts one of his hands on my shoulder, the other hand coming up to his face. I stare at my dads face, his pupils are huge and it doesn't take an idiot to realize he's as high as a kite.