I Always Will

Paul watched as Briony quickly made up two mugs of tea from where he sat on the couch, wringing his hands slightly. He knew it was his idea to come here. To talk. But now that the moment was upon him, he wasn't sure where to start and if he could even do this.

It had been so easy with Briony in the past. And then with Rachel. But this was so much more than talking about his anger issues. This was talking about his pain, revealing the deepest, darkest parts of his soul. Paul still wasn't sure he wanted to burden Briony, of all people, with this. But there was something about the way she had yelled at him on the beach and then broke down, begging him not to go through with his plans, that finally broke through the walls he had built around him.

It was just a tiny crack, but Paul felt like Briony was about to take a flipping sledgehammer to it.

Now dressed in dry clothing, though her hair was still wet, Briony walked over and held one of the mugs to him. Silently, he took it as she sat on the sofa. She didn't talk, waiting for him to speak first. The only sound was the rain pouring down on the roof.

Paul looked down at the mug and took a deep breath.

"I'm not sure where to start," he admitted.

"Usually the beginning helps... tell me how you and Rachel got together," Briony replied softly.

He glanced up at her and nodded before looking back down at his mug.

"We always knew each other - but you knew that. La Push is small, and everyone knows everyone... Rachel had gone off and made it pretty clear she didn't intend to come back," he said. A soft smile came over his face. "So, I was shocked when she came back for a visit and... started showing an interest in me..."

"I always remembered that she was so cool," Briony added when he stopped to take a drink.

Paul looked up at her, noticing she had a warm smile on her face. He nodded, stalling a bit as he thought about exactly how to explain his relationship with Rachel without mentioning the pack or imprinting.

"It all happened so fast, to be honest. And it was... intense. From the get-go we were... from zero to 100, it feels... She ended up moving back to La Push to be with me until I graduated. And then we moved to Seattle so I could do undergrad and vet school," he said. "I wanted to make her happy... protect her... and it was the least I could do for everything she did for me..."

Paul stared at his mug, not wanting to meet Briony's eyes for this.

"I was a bit... volatile when I was a teen. Got into far too many fights. Dad wasn't sure what to do with me. But then Rachel happened and... she just knew exactly what to do or say to calm me down. Got me to... talk about things. And she just did it naturally," he said, feeling his heart clench in pain. "When she... well... without her... I wasn't sure if I could continue with it..."

Paul closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"She had gone to Port Angeles... to get me a birthday present," he said. "It was raining, but the weather wasn't that bad... it got worse, though and... knowing Rachel, she probably thought she could make it back. And she should have, when I think about it... but the rain got worse and worse... then she..."

He stopped speaking, going back to that day. Getting the phone call from Chief Swan.

"I'm so sorry, Paul... she must have taken the curve too fast and..."

Then he was in the coroner's office, pulling the sheet down. He hadn't wanted to believe it was true, but there was no denying it then.

His Rachel. His everything. She was gone. And she wouldn't be coming back. He had lost his center of gravity. His world had been spinning off center and wildly around him ever since.