Abandoning Ally

Chapter Twenty Four

Here we go an update for xxLoverOfBooksx  and mythologicalmoon

I honestly thought this wasn't being read so your comments made my day. I will keep this going until it's finished for you both! 

Please note this hasn't been edited. I just wanted to get something up. 

And apologies that it is not as long as the usual chapters.

•••

I sat down on the sand and let out a deep, long breath. I took another and then repeated it again. The letter, clutched tightly in my sweaty hand, held what could be everything I had been waiting for my whole life for. The scruffy writing of the word daughter stood out. The black ink; a strong contrast on the crinkled white envelope.

It's almost as if it was mocking me. Crinkled and messy, just like Ally Henderson.

I dug my feet into the sand, needing a sense of grounding and opened the letter. My breath, shaky and uneven. I can do this. I placed the envelope behind the letter and began.

Dear Ally,

That is a beautiful name.

I don't know how to start this. How do I begin to say what I am thinking, to say what I want to get out. To apologise in the way your life turned out.
I know I don't have long but I don't want to go without regrets, without making right the wrongs made to you.

I guess I should start with me.
My name is Leo Robert, I was born in 1976 on the 16th March. I grew up just out of the Bronxs. I have two younger siblings, their names are Margaret and Paul, they still live in New York. My parents both worked so I didn't see them as much as I would have liked growing up. My mother was a health worker and my father a mechanic.

I met your biological mother when she was 17 and I was 19. She told me at the time her name was Rochelle Martin but years later I learned that her real name was Abigail. Gail for short. Gail and I met at a friend's party. She was a free spirit, liked to dance and have a good time. That good time came in many forms of alcohol and drugs. I didn't know this at the time. She said that she had just broken up with her boyfriend and was moving out of the city to another state due to her family. I don't know how much of that was true though, as much as she was a free spirit, she was an avid liar.

We had a good night and that was how you came to be.

She was gone the next morning, I didn't get the chance to see her or to speak to her. She just left. No note, no goodbye, no nothing.

I saw her a few years later, four to be exact. She was, in all honesty, a total and utter mess. She went on to inform me that after our time together she fell pregnant. Her parents were not happy and she thought if she got rid of you that maybe they would help her. Then she went on a tangent, yelling abuse at me for abandoning her in her time of need. She was pregnant and alone and it was all my fault. She was a mess.

To be honest, I didn't believe her as she was full of cocaine and high as a kite. Nevertheless, I still looked into it. I went to see if there was anything under the name of Rochelle Martin (as that was the only name I knew at the time) or James Robert.

It wasn't until I saw her a year later that she said she was full of regret. That was when I found out her real name was in fact not Rochelle but Abigail. Gail said that you were her one mistake that she didn't know how to make right. She died the next day of an overdose.

I tried looking for you but then shit got in the way. I should have tried harder and for that I am sorry. My girlfriend, Penelope, died in a car crash. That was why I stopped looking. I had a newborn to look after and I was full of grief. It's not meant to be an excuse but I had a child in front of me that I needed to look after. At the time, I had hoped that you were okay. Looking back now, that was wrong, so fucking wrong. I don't think sorry will ever be enough.

Your half sibling is twelve and I haven't told him yet. I will soon. His name is Arthur Leo Robert. He has red hair and striking green eyes. Maybe, one day you two can meet?

Ally, I don't know what else to say. A letter will never make up for the life you have been given and my part played in it.
I wish I had done things differently.
I wish I hadn't used cancer as the excuse to contact you.
I should have done this years ago.
I wish I was a better man.
A better father. You deserve so much better than this.
This letter will never make up for the life you were given.

I have been told I only have 6 weeks at the most to live and I am sorry that it has taken me looking death in the eye to get my shit together.

I am just so sorry. So bloody sorry.

James.

The wind had stopped, the ocean was calm and I was sitting in shock. I sat stunned. I didn't know how to process it, the letter, life.

The letter in my hand felt like an anchor. I was drowning.

I stood up abruptly. I walked towards the water, stopping when my feet hit the cool water. The cool water, I could focus on that. My eyes watched the water dance around my feet. Coming and going, just like the people in my life. Just like these people who were supposed to be my parents.

How does one process that the only reason this man had contacted me was because he was dying? How do you make sense that that was the only reason?
He was dying so he wanted a clear conscience before he passed. What a bloody saint. I thought to myself.

I screamed. Loud. Frustrated. Annoyed. I screamed again. I screamed until nothing came out. And then the frustrated tears followed, I couldn't control them. I wiped angrily at my face. Letter still in hand.

A mother who was a druggie - dead. 

A father who made contact because he was guilty - dead. 

The product of these two people - a messed up teenage girl standing alone on the beach. 

I am tired and I am done.

Totally and understandably done.

•••

Authors Note: 

Our girl has hit rock bottom. 

What do you think will happen next? Is there someone you want to see?

I am hoping if I ask this someone will answer and I won't look silly for asking haha. 

Please leave a comment or a vote if you enjoyed it or even if you are reading the story.

Happy weekend! 

Paige ❤️