Vanilla+brown sugar (Hyunlix)

Can you blame me

Felix's pov

Annoying. Why does the bed feel so spacious? I kept my eyes shut, while I stretched my arm, reaching out to expect a sleeping Hyunjin beside me. Instead, that space felt empty and I finally opened my eyes. He's not here. The bed felt cold, which means he hasn't been there for a while. Did he even fall asleep with me? I needed to erase those thoughts. He could just be in the kitchen, but why do I feel so uneasy? I guess I was expecting to wake up with him again, like the last time. With his arms wrapped around me tightly and his body warmth pressed against me. It was comforting. I needed that again, especially after what happened between us last night. I can't believe I did that and with him of all people. Somebody that I've been crushing on for a while now. I felt butterflies flutter up in my stomach, but at the same time, that uneasy feeling crept its way there and stopped that fluttering sensation. I got up from the bed, feeling sore all over. I wrapped the bedsheet around my body and limped my way out of the room.

"Hyunjin ?" I called out, raising my voice slightly.

There was no response and I could tell without having to look around the spacious condo that I'm alone. Still, I checked all the rooms and even the balcony. Why would he leave?  I stopped breathing and when I breathed in again, it was a sharp deep breath that made my chest hurt. I stood in the middle of the living room, contemplating my entire existence and when my thoughts finally came together, regret and sadness took over. I regretted it, everything. Why do I feel so dirty? It's not like I didn't want to do it with him. I enjoyed it so much actually, but now I feel different. He's not here, I feel sore all over and that euphoric feeling I experienced last night is over. Now that we've done something normal friends don't do. I wonder what I am to him now. I wonder what we are. Did he even see me as a friend in the first place? Because there was always something more happening between us. There was always a certain tension I couldn't explain. I don't think he's a bad person. He's not, he can't be. He's the same guy that gave me flowers when he saw me staring at them, the guy that comforted me when I had a breakdown, who held me in his arms and stroked my hair. I know all of this, so why isn't he here? I miss him. Did last night not mean anything to him? I feel stupid right now and maybe I'm just exaggerating. Still, my emotions feel more unstable than usual. The memories of him comforting me that one night flooded back in and I remembered his words so clearly about not being too trusting of other people. I guess he was right. I shouldn't be too trusting of others. Can I even trust that I'll see him again and that last night meant anything to him? I buried my face into my hands, taking another deep breath. Then turned on my heel and made my way back into the bedroom. I couldn't find my clothes from last night. At the same time, I let out a frustrated sigh. Right, Hyunjin took them off last night. More like tore them off. Jisung isn't going to like this. I'm sure he spent a lot of time making it. The least I can do is bring it back home in one piece. I opened the closet, pulling out a hoodie. It's pretty chilly outside and although I'm wearing Hyunjin's oversized clothes right now, another layer of clothing wouldn't hurt. I'll be needing it anyways because I'm not staying here any longer. A note would have been fine. Telling me that he left, but after looking around I didn't see that too. Before I could feel any more miserable being alone, I left.

.....

                                 
I was standing in front of my apartment door and although it wasn't easy getting here. I still made it.

I knocked once and then twice.

When the door opened and I saw Jeongin's worried face. I fell into his arms immediately, crying.

"You were right" I whispered, hearing my voice crack. He pulled me to his chest, patting my hair gently.

"Tell me what happened"