Today I am filled with anger and resentmentI do not know how much of it is actually mine
Sometimes, it is as if I am seven years old
My sister's bothersome behavior making me snap
Screaming at her and pushing her onto the ground to get her away from me
as if it were pushing her mocking words away as well
I am not seven years old
My sister's bothersome behavior now consisting of her overwhelming success
And I find myself screaming at her
wanting to push her onto the ground
hoping it pushes her condescending remarks away as well
Sometimes it is as if I am thirteen years old
My friend for making me feel left out by hanging out with friends that aren't me
She upsets me as I storm away from her
as if the overwhelming fear of never being good enough would leave as well
I am not thirteen years old
And I find myself feeling left out and incredibly alone
She upsets me and I want to storm away
I want the feeling to storm away with me as I run
Sometimes it is as if I am eighteen years old
My parents lack of understanding my actions hurt
Yelling at them how home will never be where they are
as if uttering the words out loud amounted to the idea that I could choose where home is
I am not eighteen years old
And my actions are perceived negatively
I yell at her and plead to go home
I want her to tell me why I am not home
I want her to tell me where home is
I am not seven years old
I am not thirteen years old
I am not eighteen years old
I am alone with my anger
The condescending remarks are mine alone
The loneliness and hurt is mine alone
The homesickness is mine and mine alone
I have no sister to berate me-- I have but myself
I have no friend to alienate me-- I have but myself
I have no parent to scold me-- I have but myself
All this anger -- it comes from me
and is to me
I do not know how much of it is actually mine
But today I am filled with anger and resentment
YOU ARE READING
paradoxical
Poetryyears worth of teenage and young adult angst transferred from a ratty old notebook to this app --for anyone who also feels like everything they do contradicts the personality that they desire to be perceived as