Captivated in the dark

Chapter 18- My Flaws (SMUT)

*Seol POV*

Love.

An emotion seemingly suppose to give you happiness and fulfilment. 

But not for me. I believed in true love, because of Jungkook. He was my one and only reason I had fallen in love, which made me believe that my life would be better. 

But he was my last reason I believed in love. A unforsaken lie told to children, teenagers and adults to make them believe they will find happiness. Lies, lies, LIES!

"What are you thinking of baby?" Jungkook unclasps my bra and rips my panties off. 

"Nothing." Despite the fact I want to fall in love with you... still. I still want to fall in love. 

"Jungkook" My voice fragile and vulnerable. 

"Mmmhhh baby?" He opens the draw, grabbing a few things I cannot see as the draw was situated behind the bed. 

"Open" Jungkook says. Forcing a pill down my throat and pouring water into my mouth to help it slide down. 

He was more gentle today. Less angry. Maybe there's still a chance we will fall in love again. But every time we try... I only get hurt again. 

After a few minutes my body temperature rises as I feel my pussy start to get wet. Sweat droplets builds on my forehead. 

"Just relax baby. Let the pill do its thing to your body." He sits on the side of the bed stroking my thigh and then massaging my tits. 

"Aaahhh Jungkook."

"Feels good, yeah?"

"I'm going to fuck you real good." 

* 5 Days later*

Days goes past, yet nothing changes. 

Yesterday was the same as today.

Today will be the same as tomorrow. I can't bare it anymore.

I open the backdoor which lead into the garden. It had a lovely massive pool. The water still as nature. The night sky was clear and warm.

I sat at the ledge of the pool and dipped my legs into the pool gently, slowly. I have... had a massive fears of water. Aquaphobia- they called it. But the water became my comfort place after dealing with endless nights of Jungkook. Angry and nasty Jungkook. 

I stared into the dull and ominous sky. Will life get better?

"I want to go home" I whispered to the sky as if someone would hear me, but I had still hoped for my saviour to one day save me from this hell. Despite everyday feeling the same, me and Jungkook's relationship had become more distant. He only asks for sex now. No cuddles or kisses. And generally no communication in general, except when we are moaning each others names in the bedroom.  

A tear slipped my eye.

*Half an hour later*

After the coldness has seeped into me, I had decided to return to the nightmare. 

My eyes heavy and tired from the amount of tears I've cried. 

I headed upstairs, but not to his bedroom. I turned left and headed towards the guest bedrooms. Somewhere safe and quiet. 

On my way I had crossed Jungkook's room. His door was slightly open, with a crack just enough to see through. Curiosity. A strange feeling in which leads to regrets. 

Two figures. Two silhouettes on the bed. 

Jungkook and an-ano-another girl. 

They were both kissing passionately on the bed. He wore his usual suit. But his shirt was open with his sleeves reaching his elbows. The girl wore a dress, she was slim and beautiful. A carbon copy of a model. 

My heart shatters. After days of trying to heal my heart, it once again starts at day one. I cover my mouth with my hand to prevent the sadness spilling from my mouth. 

I ran to the nearest room. Closing the door and leaning against it. Sitting with my back against it as I sit there and cry. Genuinely just crying, nothing else, because the love of my life had become unrecognisable. 

* 2 Hours later*

I laid on the bed. My eyes wide open as I think. 

Because I'm too stupid. I had been sheltered by Jungkook for too long. I no longer have the ability to think for myself. I've become useless. 

The door opens and as lights enters from the door. 

"Still not asleep then?" A voice spoke. 

"I'm not tired." 

I hear him approaching closer to me. His breath very close to my neck. 

I sit up and look at him in the eyes. With regret, sorrow, anger, guilt? I don't even know anymore

"Why do you hate me so much? What had I ever done to you? You made me feel special, like I actually meant something to someone. You loved me. Made me feel purposeful in this world. But of course gullible little me believed all your stupid lies. I don't want to be here anymore." I try my best to hold back tears and whimpers. 

He stayed silent.

"You could of told me! You could have told me! Instead of leading me on. You made me love myself again, but yet you also made me hate myself again. In ways I never thought I would of. I suffer every night, in hopes you don't talk to me so I can actually gain some moral conscious back! I'm leaving, so be with whoever you want. But don't. Ever. Come looking for me again. Please." I scurry off the bed and storm out of the room. 

Goodbye Jungkook. Forever. Just remember, I did love you once.

*Jungkook's POV*

I felt horrible.

Everything Seol said was right. I had destroyed her. I had built her up so high for her to be put down, by me. What's wrong with me?

I watch her leave the house from my cameras. In the freezing cold. She continues walking until I can't see her anymore in the cameras. I should go after her, shouldn't I?

I didn't deserve her. She was right. Maybe I should of never have met her. She's kind, innocent and pure.

It was my own emotional turmoil that had destroyed me. I saw the photos. The text messages. She was fucking cheating on me. I suffered enough, yet she made me feel worthless. My love for her, wasted! Into fucking nothing!

We could of been something. We could of made memories. Created a happy family. But you destroyed that! I slam my hands on the table harshly. A glass falling off the edge and shattering. 

I'm sorry Seol, but I'll never love you again.