Toxic Love - when hate becomes love | Lewis Hamilton FF (Part 1/English version)

T W E N T Y O N E

A month later:

My heart cramped, at the thought of the past few hours.

It's getting worse and worse, time is running out. We are doing our best, but unfortunately we cannot change the circumstances.

Were the words. They burned themselves into my soul. I couldn't think about something else. To the man with the white smock. To the stethoscope, which hung so lightly around his neck. Nothing new for me. And yet it was different.

Today was just one of those days when I regretted what it's like. A day when I wish the time here on earth was infinite. Because it would take a lot of time to solve all problems. To endure myself with my father, to get along again. To realise how I feel about Lewis. Not a single life is enough for such things, it would take several.

My fingers were numb. So I didn't even realise how much I clasped the microphone with them. I tried to hold on somewhere. The feeling that my thoughts would move me into a free fall was tearing. And, actually, they already had it.
I was in free fall long ago and no one noticed it. Not one of the guys from the grid with whom I spent the last two weekends. Also not Lewis, with whom I have recently disproportionately little quarrelled. No, not even my father, who is with me all the time.

The only person who always realised when something bothered me was my mother. Unfortunately, she is no longer here. Surely she looks down on me from above and is disappointed from me. Disappointed with what I do with my life. That I'm withdrawing, I'd rather be alone. That I allow the angry storm to separate my father and me. Disappointed with everything that has happened in the last weeks...

A slight touch on my arm was enough to tear me out of my thoughts. The tiny and fine hairs turned up as my neighbour's fingertips slid over my skin. I barely believed that Lewis had not seen the goosebumps he caused me when his fingers stroked my bare skin. Nevertheless, he didn't say anything, but I saw it in his eyes. The chocolate-brown teddy bear eyes shone towards me the moment our glances met.

„Everything okay?" He asked, but his words drowned under the noise in my ears. Dizziness stepped behind my forehead, but I forced myself to nod. Probably not particularly credible, but he didn't say anything else about that either. Instead, he focussed his attention again on my father, who was just speaking. His words didn't reach me. For a brief moment, I let my eyes look at Lewis focussed. From his eyes, to the sparkling stone on his nose, to his mouth.

This man made it really difficult for me and I hated him for that. For the fact that he attracts me even more magically with every day we get to know each other better. For the urge to feel his lips on mine after every little quarrel and of course for making him look so damn good. The way he talks. The way he gets angry. The way he worries about me, and even if it's fake. Even if there is a possibility that he is not really interested at all, he has the talent to at least act so. And this talent suits him incredibly well.

So maybe it's possible that I'm starting to develop feelings for him?
I tear myself away from this thought when my name fell.

„Today with a special guest. Livia Wolff." The woman on the chair opposite us smiled, especially in my direction. Then she started talking again, but it was not possible for me to pay attention to her. All my attention was paid to my head.

I hoped they didn't realise how much I was struggling not to tip off the chair right here. Honestly, I didn't even know where this sudden discomfort came from.
Was it the excitement?
The doctor's visit this morning?
Or just a stupid coincidence?
I couldn't say it that exactly. All I knew was that I just had to go through this interview. What happens after that is secondary.

The voice of the moderation and all the bright lights fell on me again in all its intensity when I realised that she turned her eyes back on me. „Now to you, Livia. At the last races, there was wild speculation about what happened to your hand, you've never commented on it, but your now growing fan base is very interested in it. Do you want to tell us briefly what happened so that this question is clarified once and for all?"

I cleared my throat and pushed myself back on the backrest. Why did I know that this question would come? I just have to quickly invent a evasive lie that doesn't mean that I was on an alcohol-drug trip and fell off a fence.

„This happened while playing volleyball. Nothing wild, just a small accident." I wrestled off a smile. My father knew it was a lie, but I didn't care. It should also be in his interest to keep this a secret...

„Well then that would also be clarified." She turned to Lewis and Val. „You two have two very turbulent weekends behind you. Despite the strong competition from the RedBulls, you were able to defend your seats, but do you think it's time to further expand the lead?" The two racers looked as if they wanted to coordinate their words with each other. The Briton was then the first to say something about it.

He leaned back a little, lowered his weight into the backrest of the soft chair and placed the ankle of his bent leg on the knee of the other.

„So I think we have a good chance to expand our lead further. But so far, I don't feel that they could be dangerous for us in any way." Valtteri agreed with this, but the moderator did not intend to leave it with that. „And what about you and Max Verstappen? Is there a personal duel on the track?" The blonde asked only to Lewis. His smile immediately gave way to a cool expression. No more trace of warmth and no remorse when she mentioned the accident from Barcelona. „I don't care what the media say. It was my curve, it's not my problem if he sees it differently. If you don't follow the rules, you will feel the consequences. It was foreseeable that he would eventually end up in the gravel bed. With his aggressive driving style, that doesn't surprise me..."

„What do they say as team bosses, Toto?" She passed the word on to my father. That's how it passed a few minutes that the four spent talking about possible strategies and things like that. However, I couldn't follow this conversation for long, instead I used this time and watched Lewis. He was so focussed that he didn't even noticed that. I followed his eyes, which alternately wandered back and forth between Val, my father and the blonde presenter. But he didn't smile anymore. Not at all. He looked more like he thought of the weekend in Barcelona. Of the things that happened, the things that made him angry raged behind his facade.
Our Quarrel.
My kiss with Max.
The race.

You could see it if you only looked at him long enough. The topic Max, no matter in what context, still seemed to trigger him.

At some point, the attention was drawn back to me and the question of how I have settled in so far was asked. „Because I was warmly welcomed by everyone, I have settled in very well and feel very comfortable..." A smile should emphasise my statement. „Is there someone with whom they get along particularly well? Maybe already on a different level than just purely friendly?" Suddenly memories shot through my head. My body filled with burning heat. Max's lips on mine. His hand on my cheek. Lewis' body, which hugged mine perfectly. My answer was lied on so many levels that I was almost sorry.

„Only friendships..." I answered and wrestled off a smile. Only friendships... Friendships with certain benefits would probably fit more...

After they sent the word back to my father and talked to him about the upcoming race in Monaco, I drifted away completely. My gaze flew to Lewis, which was a mistake, because he had the same thought. Our eyes met, I sank into the chocolate brown. My breath stalled and my heart began to beat faster. Suddenly my thoughts lost importance and everything else seemed secondary. He looked at me and I felt like nothing had a weight anymore. There was only us. For a very short moment. If I could have frozen him, I would have done it, the moment of tranquillity. This lightness is preserved to keep it forever.

———————————————
Hey guys, I really need your help!!!

Describe the relationship between Lewis and Liv in a sentence or a few words and write this in the comments, because I would like to make an edit out of it for my TikTok :)

I count on your help ;)

See you xoxo <3