We all went in together. Lewis brought my suitcases in the entrance area, pictures from the past hung everywhere. „Thank you, Lewis." I looked at him smiling and then led him to the living room where my grandpa had already made himself comfortable on an armchair.
We sat down on the stale couch, which had the advantage that it will remain extremely cosy forever. I remember climbing over the backrest as a child and trying not to fall down on the other side, unfortunately it didn't always work... While my grandma made coffee in the kitchen, my grandfather and Lewis talked animatedly. Soon I didn't hear what it was about, because I put on my headphones and dealt with my phone. It was strange, unusual to sit here, in complete silence and to observe life without sound. It seemed so empty and unloving.
Suddenly the smell of grandma's coffee rose into my nose, in one fell swoop all negative thoughts were forgotten and I inhaled the smell of my childhood. When we were together here as a family, my parents drank coffee and I filled my stomach with cake. How much I would like to go back to this time, sit here again as a child and watch my parents speak proudly of my good testimony. And now it's Lewis who sat here, talked to my grandpa about 'men's things' and smiled joyfully when grandma put the coffee under his nose
I took off the headphones and nodded eagerly when the older lady also offered me coffee. „Well, tell me, how did you get to know each other?" My gaze swung at Lewis, who also looked at me briefly and even before he could say anything, I took over the answer. „Over my father." I took the cup in both hands. The scenes of how we really got to know each other took place in my head. The road, the sound of the brakes, its unfriendliness.
„And how long have you been, well, you know..." My grandpa giggled, which confused me a bit. I looked at my grandma, who was just as eagerly waiting for an answer and then I understood what he meant by that. „Oh, oh no. We are not a couple, we are only friends." I wrestled off a smile and then took a sip of the still very hot coffee. My grandma made a disappointed sound. „But you would be a very cute couple..." A suspicious smile crept on my grandpa's lips, which I didn't want to go into any further. And while I tried to avoid eye contact with one of the two, I realise that Lewis also looked at me and had to smile.
I didn't quite realise why he thought it was so funny now, but I didn't have nerves to deal with it either. Instead, I tried to change the subject by asking the two what their next vacation plans are. They began to talk euphorically about Sweden, where their next trip will probably be. They talked about how beautiful nature must be there, about the nice people and other things, which I no longer realised consciously.
My thoughts drifted involuntarily and I just couldn't listen to them anymore. Their already muted voices moved more and more into the background of my perception the longer they talked. At some point I couldn't do more than nod, no matter what they said. But they were so in their delusion that they didn't even realise that I wasn't really there anymore.
Obviously, it was only Lewis who realised this and brought me back to reality with a slight touch on my arm. Meanwhile, my grandparents held hands and looked so happy. My heart broke at the thought of possibly never reaching this point of life. Because that's all I wanted. I just wanted someone with whom I can sit on the couch when we are old - and rave about a variety of things. I needed someone to hold me when I'm feeling bad. Someone who is always there and shares the pain with me. And I wish that this someone was Lewis, even though I knew he would never be. We are simply far too different, far too impulsive and above all these things we are far too trapped in our madness of hatred.
We argue about everything, destroy each other. That can't possibly be love... But I had this wish, and I couldn't just get it out of my head. I could try to pretend it wasn't there, but deep inside, this wish will always exist. And when I look Lewis in the eye, it is difficult for me to suppress what is actually there, a feeling that screams to touch this body. An impulse that tempts me to take a step towards him, to narrow the gap between us. Please believe me when I say that I don't really want it. I just can't change it...
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Just imagine Lewis would made friends with your grandparents hahahaha lmao
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Toxic Love - when hate becomes love | Lewis Hamilton FF (Part 1/English version)
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