Chapter 19

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I'm surprised by how gentle Tommy's touch is

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I'm surprised by how gentle Tommy's touch is. The careful way he holds my wrist, finger pads applying soft pressure. His long, proportionate fingers set to work, and I'm mesmerised as I watch.

The spell breaks when he dresses the wound with disinfectant, and it feels like my whole arm's been set on fire. I bite down on my lip, muffling my cries of pain. Tommy stops, allowing me to take a breath.

"Do it," I gasp, desperate to get this over with. Desperate to just pass out in pain.

He pauses for a moment. "I'll get the morphine."

"No." I swallow. I must already look weak and helpless in his eyes — I have to draw a line somewhere. "Just... just pass me the whiskey."

Tommy raises his eyebrows, but hands me the glass. I bring the drink to my lips and the scent burns my nostrils already.

But there's something comforting in the smell. It makes me think of crisp suits, of a leather armchair. Of safety.

Only when I knock it back, do I realise what else it reminds me of. Tommy.

"For fuck's sake," I mutter, unintentionally thinking aloud. But the trail of fire burns across my lips, my tongue, coating my throat and all the way down to my stomach. A welcome distraction from the pain. Already, it's dulling the throbbing in my head, the agony aching through me. I understand now why the Peaky Blinders must drink so much. It feels good.

"Another."

I expect Tommy to fight back, but apparently whiskey is one thing he won't withhold. He passes me the bottle, and I decide to make it quick and cut the middleman. Placing the glass aside, I drink straight from the whiskey bottle, pulling a face as I finally lower it from my lips.

My face has turned numb. Everything seems slightly out of focus, every touch happening in multiple places at once. I can't tell if it's a happy feeling, like my sister when she drinks, or a sad feeling, like my mother when she drinks. At least I'm not angry like my father.

"Ready?"

I nod, bringing the bottle to my lips again and forcing gulps of whiskey down my throat as Tommy continues. It still stings like I've plunged my arm into a hornet's nest, but it's bearable. Better than before.

"How did you learn to do all this?" I ask Tommy, vaguely aware my words are rolling into each other.

"France."

Now the worst part's over, I watch as he works, covering the wound with a bandage and gauze. "You're incredibly brave," I say quietly. "For what you did."

He waits a moment, like he's debating how best to answer. "Thank you, Kimber," he finally murmurs.

I squeeze my eyes shut then open them again, trying to work out if I can still feel anything on my face. "Are you very drunk?" I ask him.

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