Apart from My Job (JK FANFIC)

Ch 12 | Pt 1: Someone

Finally, the tears which were held in for so long follow my words. A single tear trickles down my red cheek when I eventually say,

"Let's break up." 

"You are kidding, right?" he fakes a smile. 

"Where are the cameras? You are pranking me, right?" he mockingly looks around in search of the camera, twisting his upper body, but I hold his arms to make him stop to make him realize the bitter, the bitterest truth. "I'm not kidding." I sob while looking into his eyes. I wish I was kidding.

His fake smile turns into a real frown. Tears seeped down without his permission. "Why?" His teary eyes met mine, but I couldn't continue staring into his eyes past my guilt swallowed me. But no matter how broken I was, I had to break this relationship before it shatters our entire soul. 

"Did someone make you do it? Is someone forcing you or threatening you? Is someone bullying you? Or are you and the members devising a prank? Are they hiding here? Or-" he had lost his mind and started making endless assumptions but I put a stop to it "No! No one is forcing me or threatening me. Neither am I pranking. No one is hiding here, there are no cameras." I cry out. Lies, White lies. Surprisingly, I hate lies but found myself lying. I especially hated pathetic lies like mine but my situation was different. I had to lie. His entire future depended on my lie and only my lie could make his future a bit happier than mine. 

"Then why?" he asked puzzled. His voice was broken. I was afraid he would hurt his throat even at such an intense moment. 

I couldn't tell him the truth. How could I disclose Namjoon Oppa's words to him? What a terrible friend I will be if I did. But I was already a terrible girlfriend to him to break his heart. I couldn't even give the real reason for the breakup which was all the hate we and especially HE would receive if the word broke out. I had tried this reason before on The Rainy Day (the day of confession), which was a definite fail. I couldn't tell that I had to break him now from preventing him to shatter in the future. So, I said the meanest words I could possibly say,

"I have a future. I still have to prove myself and my abilities to the world and especially to the people who think makeup is a joke. What lies in the dark always comes to light. If I continue dating you, one day or another, the faculty will know and I will be immediately fired. I can't sacrifice my dream to continue dating you." 

The words stabbed my heart harder than they could have stabbed Jungkook's heart. My heart pained for lying and even more for hurting Jungkook's heart. How could I hurt my own love? But sometimes hurting someone is the best care you can do for them. 

The sickeningly-harsh words pierced through Jungkook's heart and he fell down on his knees. He grabbed the dirty charcoal road as hard as he could. He was wordless. He hoped that the ground would rip apart and swallow his pity figure. He couldn't stand the hurt. "Was I blocking her future? Was I hurting her? Was I not good enough?" all these words kept lingering in his brain. 

I badly wanted to kneel down and pull him in a hug and say "No! I don't want to break up. I'm sorry to hurt you." but I had to keep playing the role of the mean Moonbitch. I turned my heel and slowly walked away from him and down the hill while he was left there crying in his solitary, unbearable pain. 

The guilt became heavier with every step I climbed down the hill. My tears which were dried on my cheeks flushed out again as I switched from the role of Moonbitch to the broken Moonbyul. I hate Moonbitch. I cried. I cried my eyeballs out. Everything was becoming a blur since my tears were settling in front of my eyes. It was becoming difficult to walk.

I finally gave up walking. I fell down, tightly hugged my knees, and cried as loud as I could. Mercifully, I was alone and no one saw my misery. I stay in that position, crying, for about more 15 minutes when I finally regained some of my energy and stopped crying. 

I harshly rub the tears on my cheeks which were red because of the cold and redder because of all my crying. I stand upright with my wobbly knees and resumed walking. I tried to get out of that place as soon as possible and got a taxi heading towards my home. The thought that I never even invited him to my lonely place made me even more dismal and I was again on the verge of breaking down. Yet I held in my tears since I didn't want to cry in front of a random, stranger taxi driver in the middle of the night. 

 Whilst, Jungkook was still in the same place, he was not on the ground this time, he was sitting on the same bench where he first kissed me, joylessly. His tears had evaporated from his cheeks, and his eyes were red from all the crying, along with his cheeks, nose, and even ears. My words kept striking his head 

"I have a future. I still have to prove myself and my abilities to the world and especially to the people who think makeup is a joke. What lies in the dark always comes to light. If I continue dating you, one day or another, the faculty will know and I will be immediately fired. I can't sacrifice my dream to continue dating you."

He couldn't believe I said these words. He knew me too well to know I couldn't say such things, I couldn't even think these things. But these honest thoughts were covered by the screams and shrieks of sadness and anger. He couldn't process what was happening around him. He lay still in the place for more than an hour when he finally stood up and somehow managed to drive to his home even with his fuzzy eyes. 

I couldn't sleep all night. The night before was so happy while looking at this night, it was miserable. It was the worst night of my life. I remember the night when my dad passed. There is no difference between that night and this night. Both of them are lonely. I'm yet again left all alone in life. Numerous thoughts kept hurdling in my mind. There was just one common thing in them, they all were SAD. I kept remembering my happy memories with Jungkook which were all painted blue by none other than me, myself.

Neither Jungkook could get some sleep that night considering he was crying all night on the bed just like me, just as shattered. 

(TO BE CONTINUED)